Too different to be with or without you
by livelovelaugh91
Summary: When life,careers and stubborness take Eli and Clare down different paths in life, will a room mishap the week of mutual friend Adam Torres wedding 5 years later bring the "too different" rocker and author back together or further sever the ties? Rated M
1. Chapter 1

_Hi guys so in this story clare and eli might be a little out of character, but not so much.i will ask that you leave a review after you read it because otherwise i won't know that people are reading it and i won't have a reason to tell me what you think. i hope you enjoy the story bunches. love ya!_

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Intro

Twenty year old Clare chunked the glass doo dad at twenty one year old Eli's head in an attempt to hit him with it. This fight was the most turbulent ever, and most certainly the last fight the couple would ever have. They were just too different and she was acting out because of it. They were breaking up, it was settled… He was going to the United States to pursue a once in a lifetime opportunity for his music career and she was staying in Canada to finish college. He asked her to come with him, but she quickly dismissed the idea, and thought he was selfish for even suggesting it. She wanted him to stay, but it soon became clear that the couple would not compromise on this…just like they hadn't compromised on any other aspects of their relationship. There was always a winner and a loser in these fights but this time, there would be neither because the relationship that'd been growing since their days at Degrassi community school, were coming to an end. Clare wiped the tears from her eyes and grabbed her sweater. She looked at Eli as if seeing him for the last time.

"I guess we are just too different to be together. Goodbye."

**Five years later**

Clare

I packed the last of my things in the carryon bag for the flight. Adam and Fiona are finally tying the knot. It's going to be beautiful. I got to the airport and went through all the necessary procedures, finally when I boarded the plane; I was seated beside a lady with a baby who was teething or something… The child was fussy and I'm sure the fact that its ears were popping didn't help.

I noticed she was reading my latest vampire series… The housewife with eternal life… You get the drift. She was at the last page and while I wanted to ask her if she liked it, I kept my silence. She didn't keep hers though… She recognized me.

"Excuse me… Clare Edwards?"

"Why yes I am."

"Wow this is so great. I'm a major fan, I'm Diane."

"Hi Diane. I'm Clare, and thank you for the support."

"Your books are amazing; they are funny, scary, romantic… I can't put it down once I start one."

"Thanks."

"Could you sign this for me?"

"Of course."

I signed the book and we made small talk all the way to the big apple. I arrived and there was a chauffeur holding a sign up for me. I wouldn't have expected anything less from Fiona Coyne.

The chauffeur took me to the hotel all the guests were staying in. When I arrived I was shocked to see Adam sitting on my bed. I greeted the groom to be and congratulated him. He was radiant.

"Adam you look so happy."

"Clare you look so…"

"Fat, I know."

"Not fat, curvy."

"Adam…"

"Clare… so I have some news for you."

"What is it?"

"Well you know Fiona's parents know a lot of people, and so the hotel is all booked up. You will have a roommate… Well actually it was their room first we just squeeze you in."

"Gee thanks."

"Sorry… Well, I have to run. Fiona and I have to do the final check offs."

"Okay, see you at the dinner tonight."

"Of course."

Adam left the room and I plopped down on the bed. I don't suppose my roommate has gotten here yet, so I'll just take a quick shower before I have to be social. I took off the pink v-neck sweater I was wearing and I let my pants hit the ground. I opened the bathroom door only to be shocked by what I found.

"Ahh! Eli, what the fuck are you doing in my room?"

"This is my room, I was just kind enough to share it thank you, and I was enjoying the hot tub. Want to join me?"

"No… I want to take a shower."

"I'm not stopping you."

"Well get out of the tub."

"No… I won't peak, I promise though you've filled out quite nicely."

"Stop looking."

"You're the one who barged in on my without knocking."

"I didn't know anybody was here yet."

"Sure you didn't. This was probably your plan to get a peak at my treats."

"Please Eli; I've seen your treats."

"And I've tasted your goodies."

"You're disgusting…"

"You didn't think so then… Oh Eli, yes... It feels so good...Don't stop!"

"I didn't say that and I don't talk that way."

"Offended are we?"

"Can you please remove yourself from the bathroom so that I can get the sick baby and old people airport germs off me?"

"Well, since you ask nicely."

He got up from the tub. Water was dripping off of his body and his…girth. He was a lot more chiseled than I remember but… being a popular rock artist like him probably demands that kind of physique. I found myself staring until he walked past me and looked me up and down while giving me that crooked smile that used to make me melt. This is going to be a long five days.


	2. Chapter 2

Eli

Clare hasn't changed a bit… Well' she's filled out a little more. I like it. As far as attitude goes though, she's the same old uptight Clare. I wrapped a towel around my waist and poured myself a glass of champagne. I may as well utilize the complimentary bar that's in this room. As soon as the top to the bubbly popped off the bathroom door flew open, and she emerged wearing a blue sundress that made her curves look even more dangerous than before. Truth be told, I'm still in love with her.

"Edwards, care to have a glass of bubbly?"

"No thanks. I don't drink…"

"Anymore."

"What?"

"You don't drink anymore… you used to."

"You made me."

"I didn't put a gun to your head. I simply didn't stop you. You wanted to."

"Whatever. I'm surprised you didn't bring a date."

"I don't date."

"Well I guess you wouldn't have to date to do the rock star shuffle."

"Funny Edwards. So how is the exciting life of book writing?"

"It's good."

"Yeah I know… I just wanted to ask you."

"Hand me a glass."

"So she's going to drink?"

"I need something to calm my nerves if I have to be stuck with you for five days."

"Just admit it Edwards, you like seeing me again. It has been five years. Adam told me you asked about me."

"Don't flatter yourself Goldsworthy, I was just trying to make sure you hadn't died of a drug overdose or caught AIDS from your groupies."

"Uh huh, sure that's what you were trying to find out, and for your information I don't have sex or do drugs…well okay, I smoke weed but that's hardly something you can overdose on."

"You don't have sex? Right…"

"Well what about you? Any alcoholism peeking through… wild sexcapades? I remember you being the one with the high sex drive."

"That is none of your business."

"You sure downed that bubbly fast."

She rolled her eyes and poured herself another glass of champagne. Her face was all flushed red and she looked annoyed. I decided to let it rest for now, but I'm not done yet. I'm going to wear her down until she at least considers the possibility of reconciliation.

"So, I read all your books."

"You… read my books?"

"I've read all the stories you published."

"Well, I'm sure you are going to critique me."

"Why do the guys always leave?"

"Because they just do."

"Okay… How's your family?"

"They are okay, um my mom just got remarried and dad and Shelia have a baby. Darcy and Peter are getting married in Africa in a year."

"That's great."

"What about you? I hear Bullfrog on the radio still but I haven't bumped into them."

"They are great, CeCe has started giving tantric sex classes and Bullfrog is well… Bullfrog."

"Tantric sex?"

"I know… anything dealing with sex and parents goes against the grain, so I won't think about it."

"Understood… Well I should get to this dress fitting."

"Yeah, tux fitting for me."

We went our separate ways to our destinations. I put on glasses and a hat to keep from being noticed. Luckily it worked. I walked to the tux shop around the corner where all the guys were, having a drink, smoking cigars and trying on their suits for final adjustments. Adam's tux was white and he looked radiant… He looked…happy.

"Eli! You're late."

"Sorry, I got caught up talking to Clare. You didn't tell me she still looked so…"

"Well I didn't have to tell you that… you saw that for yourself when you watched her from a distance at her book signings…you know you owe me."

"Why is that?"

"Dude, setting this up wasn't easy."

"Yeah, well neither was rising up to Holly J Sinclair-Coyne's standards for performing at her daughter's birthday party. She wouldn't even let me have any cake, but I performed for your niece…well future niece, for free. I'd like to think because you got me to perform for that little girl, and fulfill her birthday wish... Fiona loved you a little more."

"Oh alright, call us even."

"Thanks…"

My tux fit right luckily. After that all the guys went to a bar across the street for more drinks. It was like high school again except it was a larger circle. I never talked to Drew or Declan, but they have become associates of mine and of course Sav was there…he's still cool.

"Man, I'm just saying, I feel for you… You're married to Holly J. She's a beast."

"Hey now Drew, that's my wife. She can be…"

"Mean, malicious, abusive, soul crushing?"

"No…demanding but. She has more good qualities than bad."

"They must be hidden somewhere."

"Whatever. Where's your girl?"

"Hey, I'm living the single life."

"Dude what a lie, my sister has you whipped."

"Yeah Drew, Alli has a tight leash around your neck."

"Alli doesn't have a leash around my neck…but speaking of tight leashes Adam… the bride to be should be calling to remind you of your ten millionth appointment today huh?"

"She's planning a wedding and that's not having a tight leash, it's just her running a tight ship."

"The only totally free one at this table is Eli… how do you do it?"

"Well fellas… there is no answer to that."

"Awww whatever! He just doesn't want to give away the secret to being single."

The real secret to being single… The secret is that it's lonely. I haven't had sex in years, I mean I tried groupie sex once, but it wasn't right. There was no emotion and I just couldn't enjoy it. Some people might think because millions of women throw their underwear at me and ask to carry my child, love is easy to find but in reality it's not. If I sat any one of those screaming women down, I would find that they can't hold my conversation for more than ten minutes because they love Eli, the rock star, but not Elijah Goldsworthy…

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	3. Chapter 3

Clare

I tried on the dress. It was beautiful, and the best part about this bridesmaids dress is that it can truly be shortened and worn again. It's that lovely, but then again I would expect Fiona Coyne to pick out some extravagant clothing, even for her wedding party. The bridesmaids, besides me were Holly J, Alli, and her cousin Victoria. The groomsmen are Drew, Declan, Sav and…Eli.

I can't believe he looked me over like that while I was in my underwear! He even accused me of having a drinking problem. I never drink but seeing him made me need to take a swig of something. He still makes me nervous, there, I said it… Elijah Goldsworthy still makes my insides feel like bumblebees are fluttering around inside me. I guess some things never change.

After the dress fitting all of us ladies went to a nearby restaurant for desserts and bubbly. Well, they had bubbly, I just decided to have a glass of sparkling water since I'd have a few drinks already… The conversation was, worthy of note.

"So then Drew gets mad and asks me for the ring back, I told him that if he wanted it, he'd have to slip it off my cold dead finger. He finally folded and dropped the bags."

"You guys are still as turbulent as ever."

"Yeah we are… the only person with a smooth sailing relationship is Fiona."

"Yes, I am lucky. Adam is wonderful. I mean… we did take some pointers from Holly J and Declan though."

"Hey now, what kind of pointers did you take from us?"

"Well for starters… never get caught conceiving a child at your parents gathering in the Hamptons."

"That was a glorious moment. I didn't know whether to moan or cry."

"It sounded like you were doing both."

"I was!"

"You guys are all nuts."

"Clare, surely you have stories from the book tour… Any sexy vampire seeking guys?'

"No, not really any. Just a lot of freaks with fangs. I got bitten one time and I had to get a tetanus shot."

"I heard about that hun. What's one tetanus shot compared to having the entertainment of millions at your fingertips? I knew you'd be great when you were writing stories about Declan."

"Oh god don't remind me. I was so young and dumb!"

"Clare, I remember that. You kissed him on the neck and you knew for sure Holly J was going to kill you. You were so worried about becoming a pervert."

"Where did the time go? Can you guys believe it was ten years ago that we were at Degrassi… Speaking of Degrassi… anybody seen Simpson lately?"

"Yeah, he's here with Spike."

"Interesting."

Once the bottles of champagne Fiona bought for the table of ladies had been consumed, everyone walked back to the hotel. We got off on our separate floors. When I got to my room Eli was doing sit-ups on the floor. He was shirtless and his body was glistening with sweat. The tattoos he had complimented his new body well. I then noticed, on his chest the words "blue-eyes" written in incursive writing with black ink. He used to call me blue-eyes.

"You know they have a twenty four hour gym here."

"Yeah I know, I just prefer doing my sit ups in the privacy and comfort of the hotel room. How was your fitting?"

"It went well. The dress is beautiful."

"I can only imagine."

"So tattoos?"

"Yeah… Five and counting."

"Interesting. Did they hurt?"

"Some of them did… Some of them, not so much."

"Blue-eyes."

"You spotted it…"

"Yeah."

"Before you ask, yes… it was for you."

"Why?"

"To ease the pain."

"What pain?"

"The pain of being dumped."

"Whatever… "

"This tattoo along with at least half of the songs I've ever written helped me progress…"

"Yeah I heard it in your music. Naming the song "Clare" isn't exactly subtle."

"That's never been my forte."

"Well… change of subject."

"Fine… I'm going to get a massage from the spa. Care to join me?"

"Sure. I could stand to loosen up."

"First right thing you've said all day."

I should have never asked about the stupid tattoo or bought up the stupid songs. When I first heard "Clare", the song he wrote about me, I was driving and needless to say I crashed my car… into a bus stop no less. It makes me sad to think about our ending all those years ago. It seems like that was when I stopped being carefree and fun became inconvenient. I closed myself up to the world and I only associated with my closest friends… Of course book signings and things require socializing, but that is different… that is work. I guess in all honesty I can say that I have been avoiding actually having to live my life for the past five years.

Eli

Nothing like a nice massage with your bitter ex girlfriend to put a smile on your face. I hummed the tune to "Clare" it's stuck in my head since I mentioned it. People always wanted to know who Clare was, but I never told. I didn't want attention getting to her that way.

"Could you stop humming? It's sort of annoying."

"In that case I'll hum louder."

"This is supposed to be relaxing. I can't relax with you humming that sad ass song."

"Boo hoo, did it make you cry?"

"No, but I'll bet you cried while writing it."

"Ha, Clare why are you so angry?"

"I'm not."

"Then stop being so damn hostile."

"I'm tired."

"Well go to sleep precious baby."

"Not a chance, you might molest me or something."

"I prefer my sex partners awake."

"How noble of you."

After the massages it was back up to the room. I feel refreshed. I can't tell whether Clare feels the same way or not because she hasn't spoken since we've left the spa. I used the key card to open the door and she walked in and fell down on the bed. That right, we don't have a sleeping arrangement.

"So, since we have to sleep together…."

"What!"

"In this room Clare, get your head out of the gutters."

"Sorry… I'll take the bed."

"No, you won't. I paid for that bed."

"Well so did I."

"Actually you didn't remember."

"Oh yeah, Adam did send me back my money saying he had it covered. Fine, I will take the couch."

"No you won't. The bed is king sized. Surely we can share it."

"That seems plausible but…no funny business."

"You have my word."

"Yeah because that's real solid."

"Whatever Edwards. I'm taking a nap."

"Well so am I… it was my idea first."

"That flight from London was a killer."

She lay on one side of the bed and I laid on the other. She slept on her right side, facing opposite of me… that's how she always sleeps. For a minute it reminded me of all those nights we spent together at my first apartment. It was crappy and I paid more in rent than it was worth, but that place held some awesome memories. We had tons of heated arguments and lots of magnificent sex there… I laid on my back and looked up at the ceiling for a few minutes before I finally drifted off only to be awakened four hours later…and about four hours too soon(if you are as tired as I am) by my phone's alarm. It's time to get ready for the dinner, well the first of four dinners during this memorable couple of days. I looked over at my darling roommate who was waking up as well. I watched her get out her outfit for the evening as I got out mine. Black dress seems low cut… I'm going to try my hardest to get her out of that thing tonight.

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	4. Chapter 4

Clare

Wow, I don't remember this dress being this tight when I bought it a month ago. I guess, maybe I really have put on a little weight since then. I sucked it in and zipped the dress up. Once on it looked good, but… any time I exhale I could set off a clothing explosion.

I stepped out of the bathroom and spritzed myself with a bit of perfume. I noticed Eli buttoning his vest and straightening his tie. He looks handsome. I got my pearls from my travel jewelry box and Eli spoke… It never fails.

"I hope you bought paint remover for that thing."

"It's not that tight."

"Clare that is one tight dress. No breathing…"

"I can breathe."

"Exhale…."

"I don't feel like it."

"In any case you look beautiful."  
"Thank you… I was just thinking that you look handsome in your slacks and vest."

"What! You mean I was on your mind?"

"Shut up."

"Thank you for the compliment Clare… Now if we both want to still be living, we better be making our way to this dinner."

"You are right."

We hopped in the elevator and went down to the hotel's dining room where this dinner was going to be. Everyone seemed to be already there. We took our places at in dinner table in the last two available seats, and just our luck… they were side by side. Adam made his was to us.

"Good to see you two back together again."

"Adam, I'm going to kill you."

"Do it after the honeymoon."

"Grr…"

"Adam, don't mind her, she's just mad because she can't exhale."

"I can too."

"You two are made for each other."

"No, Adam, we are made for something else…now you and Fiona are a match made in heaven."

"Thanks… Well speaking of Fi, I have to get back to her."

"Okay."

Eli

The dinner was nice. We all got to chat with our friends and some of the other guests and I was seated beside Clare… Yet another string Adam pulled to help me out. This time I do owe him one. After the dinner and socializing was over it was back to the room. I still had no plan on how to get Clare out of that sexy black dress she was wearing, so I decided to just call it a loss.

We were right outside the hotel room, and I was getting out my key card to let us in…when I dropped it. Clare and I both bent down to get the card and suddenly I heard a loud ripping sound. I looked and saw that Clare's dress was busted up the side, it just fell off her body and she was in underwear only out in the hall. She covered up her body, apparently embarrassed.

"Eli open the door please! Before somebody comes."

"I told you that was a tight dress."

"Okay, it was a tight dress now please!"

"Okay okay… Open sesame…"

"Thank you."

We walked in and I looked at her in her underwear. Somebody made a trip to Victoria's secret… and apparently the secret just busted out… in the hallway of our hotel.

"Keep this a secret?"

"I don't know… I mean this would be a fun memory."

"Name your price."

"Go out with me on our last night here."

"Deal."

"It's been a real pleasure… and when I say that, I mean it sincerely."

"Horny goat."

"Call me Pan."

"I'm tired."

"Yeah I'm a bit beat too."

We went to sleep in our normal positions. The sleep was peaceful, and this time there was no annoying alarm to wake me up. Just me and the bed and Clare. I almost wrapped my arms around her in habit, but I caught myself. Wish I didn't have to though.

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	5. Chapter 5

Clare

When I woke up the next morning Eli was doing his normal workout on the hotel floor. The feeling I had felt something like arousal, but I'm not sure… Okay, I am sure; it turns me on watching him. He was cute when we were dating but his body was never this…um…hot? He was bonier rather than built and now, well…

I lay there watching him for at least ten minutes with a pillow over my head so that he wouldn't notice. He was doing pushups, boy pushups…and his stomach didn't ever touch the ground. I found myself getting hot… Suddenly he got up from the floor and took a sip of the water bottle that was sitting on the desk.

"Good morning Clare. I hope you enjoyed the view."

"What? I was just…"

"Uh huh."

"Whatever. What's on the wedding agenda today?"

"Nothing until tonight. Wanna hang out?"

"And do what?"

"Explore the city."

"Well, I guess it won't kill me."

I got my clothes together while he showered. As always he left his clothes on the bed and he walked out… this time without a towel!

"Eli geez, would a towel have killed you! Put that thing away."

"Hey, everything deserves some fresh air sometimes. You didn't see me complaining when you joined the nudist community last night in the hall."

"That wasn't my fault."

"Sure it wasn't…

I went into the bathroom and I paced around for a few minutes. What the hell am I going to do! It's only been one night and already I'm just teeming with sexual tension towards Eli. I can't fuck him… that would just lead him on, but I do need a good lay. I mean other than my trusty "toys" it's been years. I could say that I'm celibate, but I don't like to use that excuse because it's not by choice. I guess I'm still waiting for something.

I scrounged through my makeup bag and found my little lifesaver. A vibrator that looks just like mascara. Lucky for me I'd just changed the batteries so it was good to go. I turned it on, thankful that the shower masked the buzz. I started in with the vivid fantasy of me and my annoying ex and I put the "mascara" to good use. My toes started to curl on the cold tile floors as I reached my peak in the bathroom.

Just as the chills were starting to flow through my body the bathroom door opened. It was Eli and the expression on his face registered shock, impression and amusement. I quickly took away my "mascara" and covered up with a nearby towel.

"Can you knock!"

"No, I can't… plus the shower is running. I figured while you were in her behind the nice curtain I would just come and get my toothbrush, but I see you were busy."

He went over and picked up the buzzing mascara.

"This is um…crafty."

"Put that down."

"Oh please Clare, nothing I haven't touched or tasted before. How long has it been?"

"Since what?"

"Since you last had sex Clare."

"Oh…that's none of your business."

"Just wondering… Maybe that's why you are so uptight. You need some endorphins running through your system."

"Whatever. Can you get out now? I would like to take a real shower."

"Sure… just know that if you uh need me… I'm here."

I'll either explode or melt before I'm back on that plane to Canada.

Eli

I have to admit, walking in on Clare masturbating was funny, and it turned me on seeing her face all twisted in the pleasure and her toes were curling. When she emerged from the bathroom she was all flushed and red, probably still embarrassed but I can't imagine why… she used to do that to tease me all the time.

We decided to do our own thing as opposed to taking a bus tour. We took a cab to Times Square and we went to Madam Tussaud's wax museum. We had fun posing with the wax figures and though she won't admit it, the scary house freaked Clare out. After that we went to Dave and Buster's to eat and play games. I had on these huge glasses and a hat, so nobody really noticed me until we got there.

"Oh my god…"

"Oh my god."

"You're Eli! Eli the singer!"

"Yeah…shhh…"

"I just... I'm Sandy and I'm a big fan. My boyfriend took my virginity to that song "Clare" it was so pretty… I just always wondered who she was."

"Well…"

"Oh, hello… you must be Eli's?"

"Hi I'm… Clare…. His friend."

"Are you the Clare?"

"You'll have to ask Eli that."

"Sandy that will remain a secret."

"Ok…it was great just meeting you. And you took Clare, hey I recognize you now. You wrote Fangin and Fantastic."

"Yeah I did."

"Cool!"

"Thanks."

Clare and I just looked at each other before we burst out laughing. Today has been pleasant. We just have to hope that she doesn't tell a living soul we are here on her way out, or we will have to pray they don't read Clare's books or listen to my music.

"So um, on the next Fangin and Fantastic… will Luke come back?"

"I don't know. We can only hope so."

"Clare, you have to know. You are the writer."

"I don't know… just like you don't know what the lyrics to your next song will be."

"I've got something in mind."

"….So where do you live? Officially."

"Officially… I live in a loft in downtown Toronto."

"No kidding, and here I thought you'd left town."

"Well my heart is in Canada…"

"Your parents?"

"Bullfrog and CeCe will be okay, they always are. Somebody different."

"Oh, I see…"

"Do you really?"

I don't know if Clare is really aware that she's the girl I'm talking about. I'm waiting on her, waiting on her to forgive me. I just couldn't let that opportunity pass me by, I just wish she'd said yes and married me, and then we could still be together. I wouldn't have to spend my nights thinking about what she's doing or if she's falling back into passive aggression… I would be able to make love to her right now instead of having us both fantasize about making love to each other. I just wish…I wish she'd accepted that ring five years ago.

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	6. Chapter 6

Clare

I have to admit, this day has been pleasant. We were walking around the city and I saw this dress in the window. It was perfect in every way. I moved towards the window like a fly towards sugar.

"That dress is beautiful. No Clare no… you are on a shopping diet."

"Don't know how beneficial that will be. The dress is nice though. Pink is one of your colors."

"Stop tempting me…"

"Come on."

"Why?"

"I want to look around the store."

We walked into the store and the sales woman greeted us with a smile. I drifted towards the dress of my dreams. It looks even better now than it did through the window. It's so soft…

"Why don't you try it on?"

"Why to make myself go bizzurk?"

"No, for fun."

"Well I guess it couldn't hurt."

I asked the see the dress in my size and I slipped it on. The fabric felt like butter on my skin and the dress fit like a dream. I felt so pretty in it. I came out to model for Eli and he looked me over.

"Looks nice."

"Yeah… now I'm taking it off though."

"Why don't you buy it? Famous author?"

"Famous but not rich anymore. Not until my next book."

I took the beautiful dress off and hung it back on the rack. I went and looked at other items in the store. I've wanted to tell somebody so long about my recent… misfortune. Half of the money I had, I lost because I got sued. Some random guy who went to college with me says I took his idea for a story, which isn't true. He's a fucking liar and I actually said that in the settlement. Instead of us having a public brawl which would be just as much in court costs and people to keep my image afloat, my publicist, lawyer and agent all suggested that I just settle it outside of court, even though he's lying, I still had to pay, but at least the rights to the book are still mine. He's such a prick. Anyway, having to give up that cash well… it kind of made it where I have to limit my spending for now.

I got lost in a train of thought and a forest of scarves and fedoras… Cute. Eli was standing at the door with a bag in his hands. I wonder what he could have bought. Probably another vest. He's had a thing for them ever since senior year of high school. He looks nice in them so who could blame him. We walked out of the store and caught the first cab smoking.

"I know that guy didn't have that idea first."

"You knew about me getting sued?"

"Heard it through the grapevine."

"Well… thanks."

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine… I'm not exactly below the poverty line I just have to budget to keep up my lavish lifestyle and… I didn't really need that dress."

"But you wanted it."

"Yeah but buying a thousand dollar dress isn't really wise spending."

"I see what you mean."

We got back to the hotel and saw that it was almost time to get ready for the ball Adam and Fiona had planned for tonight. I rolled my hair and I took a shower. When I came out, wrapped in a towel, I noticed the beautiful dress laid out across my side of the bed. I looked around and Eli was nowhere to be found. I put on my underwear and a robe and I waited for him to return. He came back with a snicker bar.

"Oh great you're out… I was beginning to think you were turning into a fish Ponyo."

"Eli, you bought the dress?"  
"Yeah."

"I can't accept it... It was a thousand dollars without taxes."

"Clare, look the dress wasn't for you. It was for me but… it doesn't have the same appeal as it does on you. Plus, I already ripped the tag off."

"I'll pay you back."

"No you won't. Your money is no good here; just think of it as…a greeting card."

"Thank you."

"You're welcomed, though I must admit that I will enjoy seeing you in the dress more than you will enjoy wearing it."

I slipped the dress over my head. It fit even better than it did in the store. Wow, I feel gorgeous. This definitely won't be busting off of me tonight. I took my hair out of the rollers and the curls fell perfectly. I put on a little makeup and a squirt of my signature vanilla fragrance. I paired the dress with a silver clutch bag and silver heels I'd packed. I feel really…pretty. It's been a while since I've felt this way. Usually good enough is okay but tonight I feel exceptional.

Eli came out of the bathroom about a half hour later. He was wearing a matching gray slacks and a vest with a pink shirt. He looked nice. Really nice. Something possessed me and I walked over to him and I straightened his tie. Our eyes locked for that moment. Everything in my being told me to move in, but I didn't. I wouldn't allow myself to.

"Thank you. You look beautiful."

"You look very handsome. You stole my colors."

"Yeah…. Well let's go dance the night away shall we?"

"We shall."

Eli

We hopped on the first cab smoking to the ballroom where the ball was being held. When we arrived the music was playing and the people were dancing. We made it over to greet the bride and groom. They were swing dancing.

"Nice of you two to finally join us."

"Sorry Adam, it was all Eli's fault. He was doing his hair."

"Perfection takes time. Fiona, you look ravishing."

"Thanks Eli thanks for coming you two. Now if you don't mind me… I have to go stop Cousin Vicky from getting yet another person hooked on crank. Be right back Prince Adam."

"Ok Princess Fiona."

"That's cute that you two still call each other that."

"She is my princess still. You two are matching."

"Yeah we know."

"Could this mean…"

"Afraid not Adam. Eli was just copycatting."

"I reserve the right to wear pink at the same time as you."  
"Whatever."

"Really, you two haven't changed."

After chatting it up for a while Adam had to go be hospitable and greet the other guests. I managed to pull Clare away from socializing and onto the dance floor with me for "Put your head on my shoulder."

"Seriously though Eli… put me on some kind of payment plan for this dress. I feel like you are giving me charity."

"Well… I don't want your money but I will take a date."

"A date? You're kidding."

"No, I want a date."

"Fine, a date. When?"

"Whenever I say… Could be on this trip, could be once we return to our normal lives."

"Deal."

I've at least gotten her to fold on this aspect. Man oh man do I love that dress… Not only did it make Clare happy, it got me a date with her….that is some dress. It was well worth the 1088.75 dollars…She's even dancing with me. It feels good to hold her in my arms again. Her Vanilla perfume is still intoxicating and her hair still smells like coconut shampoo. I'm glad some things never change.

**Thanks for reading! Please leave a review.**


	7. Chapter 7

Clare

So the night of dancing was fun and now I have to hang out with Eli again and go on a date with him. Not that I mind that much, I mean I could always do him the favor. He did buy me the dress of my dreams after all.

The day after the ball the wakeup call came bright and early. It was the first rehearsal. Eli and I both got up and ran for the bathroom… He beat me to it. I stood outside waiting for him to finish draining his weasel so that I could pee…

"Hurry up in there."

"Sorry… I can't hear you!"

"Yes you can!"

"I'm in the shower but if you have to pee or something…feel free to come relieve yourself."

I opened the bathroom door cautiously and went in. This seemed like the best morning piss I've ever taken. After I was done I washed my hands and left the bathroom… hmmm…what to wear?"

I decided on a pair of white leggings with a pink and white striped shirt and white flats, because after last night in heels my feet deserve a little down time. When Eli was finally done showering, I finally got to shower. Things were quiet between us this morning. I guess because it's so early. It is eight o clock. I'm willing to bet that neither of us has voluntarily gotten up at that time since we were kids. After getting ready I stepped out to see Eli on the bed flipping through the channels.

"No workout today?"

"Not until noon, or whatever time we get out of this thing. So I was thinking… you owe me a hang out and a date…"

"Yup, I do…"

"Wanna hang out after the rehearsal?"

"Sure, why not…Where to?"

"Well this time I get to choose. I wanna go to the movies."

"Sounds fun."

"Great."

I tried to hide what felt like a blush covering my face. I couldn't though and I knew he saw it, but somehow I didn't really care that he saw me blushing over him. Even though I'm probably too old to blush for these reasons… I guess it's good to know I still can.

The rehearsal was at the botanical garden the wedding was being held at. It was so beautiful there. I wanted to take pictures but I didn't want to seem tacky. So I just marveled in silence while Alli vented about the argument she and Drew had last night. They've been having this same argument since they got back together in high school. He looks at other girls, she takes a blow to her self esteem, she tells him about it and he accuses her of being too jealous. It's a broken record.

"Clare, I don't think I can have this argument with him anymore."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm tired of him not looking at me with as much excitement as he does the other girls when he's undressing them with his eyes… You are so lucky to not know what it feels like to have somebody get bored with you and regard you as nothing more than an old, sturdy, reliable…coffee table."

"Oh, Alli, I'm sure you aren't his coffee table… probably his coat rack…"

"And that helps how?"

"Sorry… Just… have you tried telling him this? What you told me?"

"Last night. He laughed in my face."

"Well… just know that if you two split you have a guestroom with your name on it. I could use a roommate anyway. House is kind of lonely."

After the tour of the grounds Fiona started whipping everybody into shape. She got everybody where they were supposed to be and matched up bridesmaids and groomsmen. The last two were Eli and I. He gave me a slight crooked smile as we walked little by little down the aisle to Cannon D. I can't imagine how beautiful this place is going to look the day after tomorrow. It's going to be like something out of a fairytale.

Lucky everyone complied with Fiona's wishes. If they hadn't she might be finding some replacements… She was definitely not someone to be messed with. I can't wait until I'm in her position. In love and getting married… Since we were all good Fiona got some bubbly and desserts bought out. The tables were designed for couples out there… I guess you're supposed to get to know your escort better?

"This is really good cake."

"I know… Adam told me this was the cake and icing from the layer that wouldn't fit on their cake. So they asked the chef to make these mini cakes for this. This place is beautiful."

"I know. Any lucky gents going to get the chance to say I do to you here?"

"Eli…"

"Just asking. I have it reserved ya know."

"What? You're engaged?"

"No silly Clare. For when I do get engaged I have this place reserved for June first of every year for the next five years."

"How did you do that?"

"Well I called and I paid them."

"June first aye?"

"Yeah...kinda hoping the person that means something to is the person I marry."

"Interesting."

How could I ever forget it? June first was the best day of my life. It was the day I graduated high school and the day Eli and I made love for the first time…_Graduation was that night, and that morning I was spending with Eli. We took a walk on this trail he'd found… he's always finding trails and lakes. They are always so beautiful and secluded that I feel like each one is ours and only ours. This time though, as we walked the trail we got caught in a sudden and heavy rainstorm. We were soaked before we made it back to Morty. When we did though, we just laughed at how both of us were dripping. Laughing turned into kissing… I was shivering from the chilly rainstorm we'd just endured and each kiss from his lips warmed me a little. He started unbuttoning the button down shirt I was wearing… I didn't stop him. He kissed my chest, my shoulders and my neck. Before this I'd never let him take off my clothes, but now… I feel like it's time that he saw more of me. He placed gentle kisses on my stomach and the tops of my breasts. I subtly guided his fingers to the hooks of my bra strap. He looked down at me in a bit of confusion; I nodded slightly to let him know it was okay, and that I was ready. He palmed my breasts gently, while kissing them. I felt his hardness against my core and a pinch of apprehension shot through me. This is really real… so real that I can touch it and I'm ready. Things went slowly, but not too slow… If they'd gone any faster it wouldn't have been so romantic. The rain, the perfect guy, the hearse… Yes, even Morty became romantic. The waiting made it all worthwhile. Once he was rolling on the condom and asking me once more if I was sure… I'd had more than enough time to tell Saint Clare and my virginity goodbye. He went in slowly and I clung to him. It hurt, nobody lied about that part, but after a few minutes, when the pain went away, the great feeling of being one with him surpassed the pain. I looked into his jungle green eyes and I saw worry… I convinced him that I was fine and we kissed right before I had my first orgasm with him. He came soon after and we held each other and kissed while the rain ceased. Later on that night I graduated from Degrassi with honors and he was there. He had dinner with my family and me…. I still have those pictures of June first._

"Clare?"

"Oh, sorry I got spaced out for a second."

"Ready to hang out?"

"Of course."

"Well, you chariot disguised as a cab awaits."

"Thanks."

Eli

Clare must have been thinking about June first. She was just too spaced out right after I mentioned it. She has to know now that I mean her… I really haven't gotten over her. For even perfect day in a couple's relationship, there is a terrible one… and the worst of all the days for us was February twentieth. _Music had always been a passion of mine, but in college that was my chance to really pursue it, so I wrote songs and I sang with some musicians. I wouldn't call us a band because the players were always switching out. One night after a gig Bob Builder of Rock Records approached me and handed me a card, he told me he was in town and to drop by a local studio so that we could talk business… This was the chance of a lifetime. Later on the next day I and my dad did drop by and he was offering a great deal. I would get to fulfill my dreams. It was happening so fast! One thing stayed certain on my mind through this hasty life altering… wherever I went, Clare was coming with me. So I went and bought a ring. She'd spent the night at my place and she was making the bed. I greeted her with a kiss like always and I told her about what just happened. I explained to her that I'd be leaving for Los Angeles in a week… and then I proposed. She was hysterical and crying, she just kept saying that I was finally leaving her like she knew I would. I told her I wanted to marry her but, she said it wouldn't work. The argument got heated and both of us yelled our lungs out just about. There was broken glass on the floor, but I didn't remember breaking anything. All I knew what that I was losing the one person in my life I would die for. It wasn't until years later, while reading one of her books that I realized why she turned me down…Her parents. They were always extremely different and so were Clare and I, they were also twenty and twenty one when they got married… the same ages as Clare and I. In her mind, that would have been making a circle. I wish I'd made her see that we weren't her parents and never would be. I wish I'd fought harder for her. Even if I had though, would the relationship have survived on the road? There are so many questions that will never be answered. None of that matters now though, because February twentieth, like June first has passed… Hopefully we will make new days special in the future, if I can get her back._

We got to the movies and I saw that there was a new saw in 4-D. Clare looked apprehensive to see this movie, but I'll be there to protect her. The theater was halfway crowded. Everyone had on their glasses and was waiting for the show. It started off with your usual blood splatter, and water was used as the blood, flying from the screen. There was heat blown out way during any explosions and the chairs slightly moved. Interesting… the movie was still crappy but the experience was interesting.

"So, that movie wasn't as bad as I thought."

"I knew it wouldn't be."

"That's because you are a gore fan."

"What can I say? I dig it."

As we left the theater I ninja'd my fingers between hers and we walked down the street holding hands. She didn't object, instead she made a face at me and smiled… So I'm getting a little closer to Clare again… Hopefully this will last beyond this wedding week.

**thank you kindly for reading,please leave a review! =)**


	8. Chapter 8

Clare

The second rehearsal. I really cannot get used to these early morning meet ups, but it's for Adam and Fi, so I will comply. This morning I wised up and beat Eli to the bathroom. Only, I forgot to lock the door and he barged in and started peeing while I was brushing my teeth… I didn't even act surprised, I should have known he would. I don't mind much, I mean if you have to pee then you have to pee. I put on a cute, flowy purple sundress with black sandals and a black vest for flair. I also laid out my clothes for the bachelorette party. I was wearing a black corset with jeans and black heels…simple and sexy.

"So Clare? Wanna go on our date today?"

"How?"

"We'll go after the rehearsal and be done before the parties."

"Oh, well in that case sure."

"Great."

The rehearsal went well again and this time the routine was flawless, we even got to see Adam and Fiona practice their vows. It was lovely and Mrs. Torres even cried, I mean Adam is her youngest after all.

Alli was being mentally tortured by seeing Drew openly and freely flirt with other girls. They haven't officially broken up but according to her, they had one hell of an argument. I hate to see a friend being tormented this way but she knows how Drew can be. I say that she should free herself from his grip once and for all….

Eli and I sat at the same table again while Fiona thanked everyone for being so patient and for doing so well….she fed us peach cobbler made by Paula Deen herself and of course champagne. It was a great dessert and a good end to a smooth running wedding rehearsal. Tomorrow is the big day.

While everybody left Eli and I chatted with Adam for a while. Fiona joined the conversation every now and then but she was busy running around and making sure everything was perfect, see the decorators were showing up and she was assisting with directing the set up. She is a bride in charge.

"So Adam tomorrow is it. You will be married…. Say hello to the ball and chain."

"Don't listen to him Adam. I'm proud of you. I'm sure you and Fiona will have the best marriage any two people can have."

"Thanks Clare and whatever Eli. So, you two seem awfully civil lately."

"Well…who says we have to be bitter exes?"

"Who says we have to be exes at all Clare?"

"I see you two are still having that argument…"

"Well maybe we can resolve it on the date we are actually going on and like ten minutes."

"A date?"

"It's a long story. He twisted my arm."

"Ah, the old arm twist…gotcha. Well, Mr. Coyne and Declan wanted me to meet them for a drink so I will see you tonight Eli, bring your fun pants and Clare I will see you tomorrow."

"For sure."

We left the botanical garden and Eli hailed a cab. This time the cabby was a fan of his and he gave us the ride for free because Eli signed a picture for him and his daughter. I guess that's a perk of being a rock star.

We were at some steakhouse, which is good because I'm starving. That pie and bubbly didn't do much but make my growling tummy laugh and demand food. I didn't know we had a reservation but we did… Eli had this planned all along evidently.

We got seated and a bottle of wine was placed on the table. He poured us both a glass and we started to talk, then the big elephant in the room reared his head. There was no more hiding the contents of my heart… this is the time, the last chance I will get to say what I feel.

"Clare, why didn't you come with me? I was serious when I asked you to marry me that day…"

"….."

"Come on Clare. We never talked about this because we haven't met face to face in half a decade but neither of us has moved on so we must need this… If not to bring us back together, then to close the wounds so that we could move on."

"Eli, we were so young and different. You wanted to be a rock star and travel while I wanted to stay home and write, you wanted fun and adventure while all I wanted was love and comfort. I knew I couldn't stop you from pursuing your dreams, that would have been selfish but I knew that if I followed you to LA, I would eventually go back to Canada, alone and with a broken heart."

"You didn't trust me to love and comfort you anymore?"

"It wasn't that… I knew that you wouldn't see me when I need it most because you would be busy Eli. There would be no time for me, and with all the new and prettier girls coming in your face I knew it would only be a matter of time before I got bumped out into the cold."

"You knew that I still loved you though. I wrote at least three albums worth of songs about you…for you."

"I listened to them all Eli! I knew they were about me but… what was I supposed to do about it?"

"Nothing I guess…I saw you at all your book signings."

"What?"

"I saw you there."

"You were stalking me?"

"No, I was watching you. Clare I've read all of your books and I knew the guys always leave because of me."

"Maybe."

"Clare no girl could have ever taken your place. Nobody could have ever bumped you out of my spotlight Clare and you know that!"

"No I don't Eli! We were just so different!"

"Opposites attract Clare!"

"Then how come all we done was argue and have sex?"

"It's called passion! We are both passionate people!"

"No we were too…too different and some things never change."

"What?"

"We will always be too different."

"Who fucked you up?"

"What?"

"Who fucked you up so that you can't see something good when it's right in your face? Was it KC, your parents? What was it that put this growing bitterness in your soul?"

"My soul! I'm not bitter, I'm a realist Elijah! Unlike you!"

"I'm a realist Clare… I'm just as real as you! Your parents divorced and you questioned everything well my girlfriend died and I blamed myself for years. That is more real than anything…it's realer than any divorce Clare. Shit…"

"This was a bad idea."

"Yeah, it was."

We sat at the table silently and ate the steak and wine, and then we got into the cab rode back to the hotel. Well, I lied when I said the ride was silent. My sniffles filled the air. I was crying and so was Eli, but his tears were more silent. I knew that was a bad idea. I knew that we would always be too different. I got my things for the bachelorette party and left. I couldn't bear to be in the same room with him right now. When this is over I will go my way and he will go his…

Eli

"She still thinks we're are too different Adam and there is no changing her mind. Whatever happened, it traumatized her and not even I can get her past it."

"Maybe you two were meant to be in love but not together."

"What's the use in that?'

"What now?"

"I don't know Adam… I don't know. Every time I think about it I…cry."

"Well you are the Emo type."

"Not funny dude."

"Look, just try not to think about Clare. We are having a guy's poker night with plenty of liquor at Declan's. Just have a few drinks, lose a little money and then endure the wedding tomorrow… After that you can get another Clare tattoo and write more songs about her."

"No, I'm done Adam. She will never love me because she thinks she will never be on the same page as me. I'm sick of wasting my energy on this. It's going to hurt but I'm letting her go. I'm letting go that fantasy of ever being with her again. She doesn't want me and she never will…"

Adam patted me on the back and handed me a glass of scotch. I downed it and the burn hit my throat and chest. It did nothing for my sorrows or my crying eyes but it did…burn going down. Maybe it will work later on.

The bachelor party was fun and tame. Plenty of booze, plenty of food and poker. Your last night as a single man couldn't get better. I wasn't the only guy there looking like he's been dragged through the mud of love.

"Drew, you good?"

"We have some women huh?"

"What's your grievance, aren't you like a player?"

"Yeah… unfortunately. Alli kicked me to the curb. After all this time I've sort of been begging her to with all the cheating and the way I ignore her when she tells me it bothers her…now she's gone and though it's only been a few hours I feel like I'm going to die. I won't be able to beg my way back into her heart this time. She's done with me man and I made her have to be. What's your story?"

"Clare… I haven't gotten over her all these years and today just when I thought we were going to get our second chance she basically let me know there was no possibility. She thinks we are too different to work."

"Shit. Guess you aren't the lucky single one… Now we are just the sad heartbroken ones… More scotch?"

"Hit me."

Clare

I was trying hard to enjoy the bachelorette party. It was at a club. I was having a few drinks. If I think about Eli I will just cry. I wanted to believe that we weren't too different, that we could work but now I realize those thoughts were stupid because once too different… always too different. It would only be a matter of time before he saw it too…. I'm doing myself and him a favor by nipping this in the bud before either of us has a chance to get too deep into this love thing and fall hard again just to be ripped apart by the dissimilarities.

"Clare, come to the bathroom with me?"

"Sure Alli."

When we got in the bathroom of the club we just both started crying. The women in there looked at us strangely but soon went about their business. I guess it's good that I have my best friend to cry with.

"Clare, looks like I will need that guest room… What happened?"

"We are too different Alli, and while things are good right now I know eventually the relationship will go sour."

"We will be okay. We won't die of a broken heart."

"At least we can hope we won't."

We both cleaned ourselves up and went back out to join the party. I put on a nice mask of happiness to cover my real face of sorrow. I danced and had a few more drinks. By the time I got back to the hotel room where Eli was sleeping I was very… bold.

"Eli!"

"What?"

I could tell he was drunk, just as drunk as I think I am right now. I kissed him and he kissed me back while he undone the hooks of my corset.

"Since this day is the last time we will see each other…make love to me."

"Okay…We are only doing this because we are drunk."

"We must not be that drunk."

"Shhh…"

I kissed him aggressively, rougher than I've ever done anything before. My jeans, as well as his pajama pants soo ended up on the hotel floor. I kissed his chest, letting my fingertips run down his chest and abs. I felt his heart beat on my fingertips and it made me feel one with him. I quickly shook off that sensation. He entered me slowly. It felt like the first time all over again, minus the pain. He glided his girth in and out of my anxious core. Soft moans escaped both our lips and then the moment came and I melted in his arms after the orgasm hit. He followed me and then he collapsed on my chest. His head landed right where my heart should be. I wonder if he can hear it beating. Because I can feel his beating on my stomach.

The sun rose and the wakeup call came ending the final moment for us. I showered and I grabbed my things and went to the gardens where the wedding party was. Fiona fed everyone breakfast and then it was off to get hair and makeup done. The stylists were really good. They tamed my curls and turned them into an elegant down style. The makeup artist enhanced my features while keeping things natural. The dress of course, was beautiful. After all the bridesmaids were done we all anxiously awaited seeing Fiona. She was surrounded by stylists being worked on but when they finished they turned her around in the chair to expose her… she looked gorgeous. Mrs. Coyne started to cry and so did Declan who'd snuck into the girls' room to give his sister a little keepsake.

"Fi, we were born at the same time practically, but remember I came two minutes before you and I will always be your big brother… Just so you don't forget me when you're off with your new married life, here's a turtle…he's something blue."

"Declan, we live in the same building… highly unlikely that I will forget you. Thanks big brother."

It was a little blue turtle hairpin. She tucked it into the elegant up do and Declan left. The coordinator told us it was time. The sound of Cannon D filled the air and the soft sniffles did as well. Adam stood up front in his white suit… He looked nervous but happy. I'm so happy that he and Fiona found each other. They are truly a prince and a princess deserving of their fairytale.

It came me and Eli's turn to walk down the aisle. We did and the tension between us felt like it was slapping me in the face. I got to the front and I stood in line behind Holly J… like we practiced. The flower girls dropped rose petals on the ground. Everything about this was perfect… the garden, the décor, the people…

Fiona walked down the aisle escorted by Mr. Coyne. He was wiping tears from his eyes as they approached the altar and he gave away his baby girl. Adam was already crying and even Drew was shedding a few tears. I couldn't help but to cry too. It's just such a beautiful moment.

They said their vows and then Adam kissed his bride. Everyone clapped and cheered. The reception was just as beautiful as the wedding. The sun was shining but it wasn't too hot. People ate and then Fi and Adam cut the cake. They smashed it in each other's faces. They had their first dance and then the party started.

Everyone danced and celebrated and by the time the wedding was over, the sun was saying goodbye for the day. The couple bid everyone goodbye and got into a limo, headed off to the airport for their honeymoon.

"Since tonight is the last night Clare, can I at least dance with you?"

"Sure."

I danced with Eli and I almost melted…. I never wanted to let him go.

Eli

The wedding was a success. I'm happy for that but I'm still sad. Clare and I made love last night, she said it was because it's the last time we'd see each other and I can't help but believe that she might be right, so I danced with her and I held on tight until the last tune of the song was gone.

After going to the hotel and packing I went to sleep and so did she. The next morning there was no arguing over the shower, no witty teases either… It was just silence. We both got our bags and I checked out. We went to the airport and got through the gates to go our separate ways… just like Clare said we would.

Clare

I got back to my house. It was quiet and lonely. It always is, but at least it's warm. I fixed myself some tea while I cried. Great, now I'm all mopey and sorrowful again. This is just like five years ago only worse. Something it telling me that I made a mistake in letting Eli go again but I'm not sure if I did or not. Why does life and love have to be so confusing? Why can't I be a robot? Then I wouldn't have to cry, or regret or even wonder what if… I would just do what I was made for and be done with it.

**please leave a review and thanks for reading =)**


	9. Chapter 9

Clare

All I do is write my personal quota, eat and sleep this past month and a half. I guess you can say I'm depressed. I feel horrible. I thought realizing that we could never be would liberate me in some strange way but all I want to do is eat egg free cookie dough and lie in bed looking at the ceiling. I mean Alli has been with Drew for ten years and they broke up…she was sad too but now she's doing stuff and I am not. I don't even want to. I don't even walk by the mirror anymore. I don't want to see what I look like considering that fact that I don't wear makeup, comb my hair or get out of my pajamas most days. I have nobody to blame but me though. I bet Eli is having the time of his life.

I typed the last words of the book and then I sent it to my agent to proofread. I spell checked as I went but it's always good to have another set of eyes on the paper. After that was done I breathed a sigh of relief. At least the book was finished and not to brag but its gold. This time the girl leaves and nobody knows where she goes…not even her because she's under a spell…. My agent Susan called….

"Clare, this is fucking sweet."

"Told you it was gold."

"Fuck gold its platinum. I'm in ten fucking pages and I can't put it down."

"Thanks profanity Patty."

"This is deeper and somewhat darker than you've gone before… Your readers will be stunned but….not overly."

"So it's good?"

"Yeah, I just gotta get this spell checked and then we will send it to the head honchos."

"Thanks."

"Hey are you okay? You switched our meeting from lunch to intercom last week and you always love lunch meetings."

"Yeah I'm just…feeling under the weather."

"Well get better baby because as soon as this hits the bookstores you are going to be touring like crazy."

"Oh joy."

"Well alright kid, I will talk to you later."

"Bye Susan."

I don't know why she calls me kid when we are nearly the same age… I met her in college too. She was a business major with a minor in creative writing… We bumped into each other and when I was looking for an agent, she was looking for an author. She's also sort of sneaky and a quick thinker which is how she got me connected to the big publishers. I'm not complaining though.

I plopped down on the couch and flipped through the channels only to run up on MTV which was showing Eli's video. This one was new. He looks… nice. That's an understatement he looks hot, a little thinner though. That's when I noticed that he had a new tattoo. It was a lock. But something even more heartbreaking… it was a cover up for "Blue eyes"…. I turned the TV off and went to the fridge. It was empty. I guess I will have to go out and actually look at people. Just as I was pulling on some jeans and a jacket Alli walked through the door.

"Clare….you've been crying again and you're going to the store for more sweets…"

"Alli I just need something sugary right now to comfort me."

"What happened?"

"He covered up the tattoo… He's really over me."

"It would seem so…"

"What does that mean?"

"It means that… well I only heard this through the grapevine okay."

"You mean through Adam."

"Don't tell him I told you okay? He specifically said not to tell you."

"Just tell me already."

"Can you put your car keys down first? There is a keychain of mace on there I'd rather not be sprayed with."

"Fine… how bad is it?"

"Well according to our um…source. Eli has been seeing Goosey Lucy…"

"THE VIDEO HOE! I.. w… h…s…I….AHHHHHHH! GRRRRRRR!"

"Adam feared you might react this way when you found out."

"I think… I need to lie down."

I plopped down on the floor and leaned against the back of the couch. I guess I can't be too upset. He did wait for me for five years but I just can't risk getting hurt for playing with fire. Alli left me to my sulking and boy did I sulk. As if on cue the phone rang. It was Adam.

"Hello Grapevine."

"She told you!"

"Yeah."

"Did you pass out?"

"No but I did sit down on the floor."

"I heard you are having a hard time."

"Well don't go telling anybody that… he covered up the tattoo..."

"Yeah. I called to tell you that what Alli says is true, he is seeing Goosey Lucy, but it's not serious and it's mainly for sexual purposes because she's supposedly like the white Superhead."

"Okay that is way too much information. Why do I even care?"

"Because you love Eli… No I will do you one better…you are in love with Elijah Goldsworthy."

"Shut up or I will come to New York and strangle you."

"No need. Fiona and I are escaping to our place there for a while so… you can strangle me at the dinner party we are having Friday."

"Do I have to comb my hair?"

"Yeah and change out of those damn puppy pajamas."

"Fine. I'll be there."

"You have no choice."

"Goodbye Torres."

"Goodbye Edwards."

I got off the floor and got dressed in jeans, flip flops and a plain v-neck tee shirt. I combed my messy hair until it looked somewhat presentable… To avoid having to check on it every ten minutes I put on a hat. I grabbed my purse and keys and went into Alli's room. I jingled the keys.

"I can't fit any of the dresses here, I already know because my tits and ass have gotten huge so I'm going dress shopping…nothing over three hundred and something preferably black… you in?"

"Hell yeah! You had me at dress shopping!"

We got into my car and I went to my favorite little boutique downtown. When I stepped in the aroma of vanilla hit me in the face. Alli and I started looking through the racks until I spotted the perfect dress and it was only one fifty. It was black and knee length. It was form fitting but not tight and it had an empire waist defined by a little banded bow made from pearls… Plus it had pockets! I tried on the dress and Alli gave me the thumbs up. I paid for the beauty and then stored it in my closet until Friday night.

Thinking about the upcoming event made me nervous. Would Eli be there and would he bring Goosey Lucy? How would I react if he did? Would I burst into tears and would he be cold towards me? Well, at least I can answer that question… I don't think Eli would be cold towards me, even when he was mad at me he never was unless he hates me that much now after I wasted his time again. I wouldn't blame him if he was cold towards me. I deserve that and the solitude I have now. People like me just aren't meant to be loved; I'm a fuck up….an emotional fuck up. I don't know how I got this way but I know that when people like me get involved with other people we make them emotional fuck ups too…

Eli

"You don't even act like we are a couple Elijah."

"That's because we aren't Lucy. We have fun and I thought you understood that."

"I want more."

"Well why me? You didn't ask more of Bieber or Mayer or even fucking Hefner… so why me?"

"Because they wanted more and I didn't, but now I do."

"So go call them."

"Don't be that way… Don't I make you feel good?"

"Doesn't mean that much Lucy…"

"It's that Clare bitch isn't it?"

"Don't you ever fucking disrespect her again; you don't know shit about her!"

"I know she has you walking around her like a damn zombie, writing stupid love songs and only working not playing."

"Look, no offense but you don't even fucking know me. I've only known you two weeks Lucy and in all honesty I'm ashamed to be seen out with you."

"How dare you."

"No how dare you… The real reason I got with you? I was curious Lucy, curious about what others were saying. Is that telling you anything about yourself?"

"Nobody has ever said anything like this to me."

"I'm helping you Lucy. Do your videos but stop fucking the artists…"

"Well it was nice… having fun with you Elijah… even though you were mean just now. I know it was the truth and you've been the nicest of all the guys."

"Well…thanks."

I'm glad that storm is over. I really did just need to let a few loose but that only helped cure the physical symptoms of heartbreak… I still have to deal with the memories, and insomnia. It's gotten so bad that I have to take sleeping pills just to get some rest. What I need is to get away for the weekend. I called up Adam.

"Dude? What is up…? Done plucking Goosey Lucy's feathers?"

"I actually sent her back to the pond. She was getting on my nerves and she called… well never mind. What are you up to this weekend? Are you in the big apple or our lovely city?"

"I'm back in Canada and I'm having a dinner party with Fiona Friday night."

"Just what I need…"

"Clare is going to be there."

"Oh…"

"I don't know why you two don't get back together… You know she's upset."

"Why?"

"Because you covered up the tattoo."

"Oh… I regret that now too… I guess that is what being drunk and getting inked costs you though."

"You two are made for each other."

"She doesn't think so and she doesn't want me."

"She doesn't know what she wants Eli… just come to this party."

"Alright dude."

Clare

I went to visit my mom, like I do every Wednesday and she was cooking. Looks like chicken and mashed potatoes… I could eat. I plopped down at the breakfast island. She looked at me and then back at the potatoes she was mashing.

"So, love troubles?"

"How do you know?"

"Alli told me."

"Well isn't she the little Clare weekly newsletter lately?"

"She's worried about you and so am I."

"I'm fine."

"Clare what happened? You've been depressed ever since you came back from New York."

"Mom… I don't know."

"You and Eli always seemed so…"

"Different…"

"Clare….opposites attract…magnets, yin and yang…"

"No they don't… Everything that's too different always falls apart and that's what we would do because I'm boring and he's not…"

"Clare listen to yourself."

"I am."

"Did he ever call you boring?"

"No."

"I know your father and I divorcing really broke you down mentally Clare. I know it did and I'm so sorry… I think it's time that you know that we didn't divorce because we were too different. We divorced because… we both changed and neither one of us was willing to take the time to get to know each other all over again. He stopped being the sensitive guy who bought me flowers just because and I stopped being the fun loving, spontaneous girl he knew…Time and especially children will change you but where we went wrong… we still held onto the past images we had of each other until being around the stranger became unbearable. I know you are afraid of having your heart broken by Eli but I wish you could see that you don't need him to break your heart, you are breaking it yourself by denying yourself happiness…"

"Well even if I did convince myself of that and want to try again… he's moved on. He doesn't care about me anymore."

"I'm sorry honey. There are other fish in the sea."

"Not for me."

Eli

I never get nervous but the thought of seeing Clare at that dinner party tomorrow is grinding on my nerve. Part of me wants to see her, so that I can try once more to convince her we belong together while the other part of me thinks leaving things alone would be best. I cancelled with Adam and apologized…promising to come to the next Torres-Coyne bash. I was going to Canada for the weekend though… well sooner than that… I'm stepping off the plane now.

I caught a taxi to my loft where I took a shower and changed clothes. I hopped into Morty who was patiently waiting at my home for me to return. I've had his insides completely redone so that he can run forever. I went to Bullfrog and Cece's place. I didn't even have to knock before Cece opened the door.

"Baby boy! You are home!"

"Hi mom."

"Well come on in my little rock star. How are you and is it true?"

"What?"

"That you are dating that awful Goose girl?"

"No mom, it was just a fun thing. It's over now."

"Okay. Speaking of which, have you uh, talked to Clare lately?"

"No…"

"Well, she looks as bad as you do."

"Mom! I look bad?"

"You look worn and so does she… Neither of you seem to know how to use a comb lately and well…she was wearing the p…"

"Not puppy pajamas."

"Yeah how did you know?"

"She always wears those when she's unhappy."

"She was buying egg free cookie dough by the tube… she didn't look huge but she's definitely put on boob and butt… I think she's depressed…just like you, I mean look at you, you are so skinny I can tell you aren't eating."

"Mom."

"Cece leave the boy alone!"

"Dad?"

"What's up boy? How are things going with Go…"

"There was no thing… It was just for fun and now it's over."

"Good thing."

Dinner with my family was interesting. Sad as it is, I was relieved to hear that Clare wasn't happy because I'm not. Kind of weird that we even get depressed different. She eats more and gains weight while I eat less and lose… I have to convince her of something but not this Friday… My heart, confidence and sanity are still too fragile to be put at risk for breakage again.

**Thanks for reading, please leave a review!**


	10. Chapter 10

Clare

Adam's dinner party has turned out to be good for me. I was starting to forget what it was like to be around actual people and have fun, plus Fiona made these little bacon wrapped shrimp and I love them! I stayed until the end of the party to help Adam and Fi clean up.

"So, I'm sorry Eli wasn't here."

"Adam why are you apologizing?"

"Because, I know you wanted to see him."

"What gives you that idea?"

"Clare, for the past two months you've been living off cookie dough, taco bell and tang… You've also been asking for little updates and you bought this dress… It's a nice dress it's just a little… booby… You wanted to see Eli."

"I'll probably never see him again."

"You heard this through the grapevine, not from me but… he's in town."

"What?"

"Yeah, I ran into his dad at the supermarket today and he told me."

"He won't want to see me."

"Clare, yes he will."

"Adam he hates me and he's got Lucy now."

"He and Lucy are over."

"Oh."

"Look, here is the address to his loft."

"Okay."

"Go, now…"

I told the cab driver the address and I went there on a quest for happiness and love. I took the elevator to the top floor where Eli lived. When I got up there I knocked in the door and some girl answered.

"Oh hello…"

"Hi."

"Is Eli Goldsworthy in?"

"No, he's out getting more exotic oil but I can tell him you dropped by."

"No thanks… That's alright."

I left the apartment feeling defeated once more. He's not dating goosey Lucy anymore, but now he's boning another girl. I hailed another cab and cried all the way back to my place. I guess I might as well girl up before I really make a fool out of myself.

Eli

I got back from the organic store with the exotic oils for Marsha to do the massage. She forgot, but that's okay….She is the best massage therapist in the city and my muscles needed the pampering after a long workout. I wonder how Adam's dinner party went.

"Eli sup? Are you calling to thank me for sending Clare your way? Please tell me you two are engaged by now."

"What? What are you talking about?"

"Clare, I sent her to your apartment. She should have made it by now."

"She must have come while I was out getting oils for my massage."

"Marsha's doing it? Man are her hands blessed."

"Marsha, did anyone come while I was out?"

"Yes, a girl… She had curly blondish red hair with blue eyes and she was wearing a black evening gown. I told her you were out getting more exotic oils and I asked if she wanted me to give you a message but she said no."

"Shit…"

"Shit is right… Knowing Clare she thinks you and Marsha have something going on."

"My thoughts exactly. I'm leaving for Sydney in four hours, that's not nearly enough time to clear things up."

"Well, I'm sure this madness will still be here after your weeklong concert there."

"Adam I'm going nuts."

"I'm going nuts for both of you. Clare gaining weight unhealthily, you problem drinking and getting tattoos... The both of you fighting yourselves…. I've been dealing with this since high school. Why am I not in the crazy house?"

"Because you have Fi."

"That's right… Speaking of which Eli, I will chat with you later friend. I'm going to go do what newlyweds do."

"Have fun."

I hung up with Adam and Marsha finished the massage. I paid her after that and she left. I took a bath and got my luggage to go to Sydney…

Clare

I opened up my liquor cabinet and got out the tequila. I would mix it into something sweet and fruity but right now, I just need it to get straight to the point. I turned the bottle up and my head spun. I've never been good at holding my liquor, the only reason I done so well in New York is because the booze at that club was watered down. This wasn't though and it sent me spinning around the room ten minutes later. I tried getting myself upstairs with the half empty bottle but I couldn't do so without knocking pictures off the wall with the first two steps and then tumbling back down. Luckily I wasn't at the top when I took the tumble.

Alli came out of her room and looked at me in shock. I tried getting up but I was just like a lady bug on its back… Rolling from side to side, looking for a break. She took away the Tequila and helped me up the stairs and into bed. Later that night I blew chunks and then I slept peacefully until four the next evening. Some days these have been.

**Thanks for reading, please leave a review! =)**


	11. Chapter 11

Eli

Sydney was great…The people were friendly and the food was good. My shows and fan meets also ran smoothly as always. After a pit stop to do an interview in the big apple it was back on home. The first adventure me and Morty went on was to the Dot. That place is still up and running and they upgrade it every year. It's still the spot for Degrassi students past and present. The girl behind the counter today was Izzy. I overheard some people talking and supposedly her mom is a model who used to date Peter, the owner of this place who also happens to be Clare's future brother in law… I guess everybody is connected.

"Hi Mr. Goldsworthy."

"Mr. Goldsworthy is my great grandfather, call me Eli. How are the lattes looking today?"

"They are looking like… We make them fresh?"

"Perfect. One Venti latte."

"Coming right up. It's on the house… just sign one of these plates for us to hang."

"Sure, and I'll just put the five bucks in the tip jar."

"Thanks Mr. Eli! You are as nice as all your fans say."

"Glad to hear it."

I got my latte and I sat down in the restaurant. Every now and then someone would come up and ask me if I was "the real Eli." But it was kind of mild. Suddenly someone towered over me and the light shining on me turned into shadows. Really, after ten years?

"Fitz."

"Sup superstar."

"Nothing man, what's up with you?"

"Oh nothing, just coming to get my lunch from this place, its quick, I can't afford to be gone too long."

"What do you do?"

"I own my own car shop… fixing them, painting them…sprucing it up."

"Cool dude."

"So how's superstar life?"

"Well, I'm starting to feel a little jet lagged right now so not wonderful."

"Shit dude, well you should go emo boy."

"Alright dude catch up with you later."

After leaving the Dot I went to my loft and I went to sleep. I had planned to go and surprise Clare with a visit but I don't think I could drive Morty much longer with the condition my body is in.

Clare

I was about to leave for a girl's weekend in New Orleans when my phone rang. It was Adam, probably calling to ask me how to make something… He's been trying to impress Fiona with his cooking lately…but culinary arts has never been Adam's forte.

"Hello Adam? Did the cake not rise?"

"No it's not that… My mom died."

"What?"

"She had cancer Clare, all this time she had cancer…"

"Oh my god Adam, where are you?"

"I'm at Drew's."

"I will be there."

I dropped my suitcases and grabbed my keys and purse. Poor Adam, he and his mom had their differences but they were close. I got over there as fast as my car would allow me to and Adam and Drew were heartbroken… Fiona was trying to comfort Adam but she was crying. I noticed someone coming in behind me, it was Eli… Now wasn't the time for romance though, it was the time to help our friend.

"Adam dude, is there anything you need?"

"Yeah, one hundred proof liquor and a blunt."

"You know you are a cheap drunk and you hot box."

"Ha, yeah I guess that's true. Clare, could you tell my dad?"

"He doesn't know?"

"No… She didn't tell any of us. We just found out this morning when Fiona and I went to have breakfast with her. She didn't come to the door. So I used my key and she was just lying in bed, she looked asleep and peaceful. When we called the ambulance once she wouldn't wake up, we started looking for medicines she might have taken and we found the results. She had breast cancer and according to the paper it was terminal. She knew she only had a year left."

"Adam I'm so sorry; I will call your father."

Mr. Torres was confused and torn apart over the phone. This was a sad situation. Drew's place was the biggest so I figured this is where everyone would be. He didn't have any food in his fridge or his pantry.

"Adam, I'm going to get you guys food, anything you want in particular."

"Reese's puffs."

"Of course."

"I'll go with you."

Eli

Clare has always been a nurturing person. So it's no surprise she can automatically jump in and start taking care of Adam, Fiona and Drew when they need it… The ride to the grocery store was quiet, not even the radio was playing. Once at the market she started getting stuff to cook and stuff to snack on along with drinks.

"Won't they need desserts?"

"No, Mrs. Torres knew a lot of people. They will bring desserts."

"Right. How do you know?"

"Because they do… Once word gets around, cakes and muffins will be baked."

"Oh."

"Yeah…"

I don't remember if anybody bought me cakes when Julia died… No they didn't. She really didn't know a lot of people and neither did I. Well, not people who baked. I got money but that was about it.

As soon as we made it back to Drew's place we noticed that there was another black hearse parallel parked in front of the house. We went in to see someone from a funeral home. The guy was talking to Adam and Drew. Fiona was in the kitchen where Clare and I went to give them privacy.

"What's going on Fi?"

"Oh Clare, Mrs. Torres has known all this time. She even payed for her entire funeral already. She picked out everything, right down to her lipstick."

"She probably wanted things to be easier on you guys."

"Well it's not. She was my mother in law, and she was rather overbearing when we were in school but she's a…she was a sweet person."

"I know Fi, I know. It will be okay."

"Yeah Fi, things will be okay."

"She's going to miss the baby."

"What?"

"Adam and I were approved for the adoption. We are going in two weeks to choose our child."

"Well I'm sure she will be there in spirit."

"Yeah. What are you about to make?"

"Shrimp alfredo."

"Can I help? I need a distraction."

"Sure chef Fiona… Eli, you can be our sidekick."

"Great."

Eli

Poor Adam. I didn't quite know what to say to him. The only person I've ever lost who was close to me was Julia. I'm not good at these kinds of things. What do you say to a friend who's lost a parent?

"Just, let him know you are there for him Eli."

"Thanks. It's like you read my mind."

"You looked like you were thinking too hard."

I went over to Adam who was sitting on the couch. Drew was on the front porch with Alli. Mr. Torres was lying down. He was so upset that he had to take a sleep aid just to calm himself.

"Adam, how are you holding up?"

"Not well… Two weeks before we added to our family, my mother dies…"

"I'm so sorry Adam."

"I just wish, I wish I'd gotten to say goodbye. I wish she'd let me know she was sick and then I would have made her last days memorable."

"Adam maybe she didn't want you to be sad. Maybe she wanted life to go on like normal. She got to see you get married, graduate college and even appear on MTV in several of my music videos… Not that the last one is really an achievement. Point is Adam, she may not have told anyone because she actually wanted to live her last bit of life, not be protected like she was glass or fussed over. Does that make any sense?"

"Yes. Still sucks that I didn't get to say goodbye."

"Say it at the funeral."

"She won't be able to hear it then."

"How do you know?"

"What?"

"Look this may sound silly but… This guy told me when Julia died that spirits stick around some time after they die and then they go… wherever. I don't know how true that is but I am saying that you should say goodbye at the risk that she's listening."

"Fine. I don't know what I would do without Fiona, you and Clare."

"You'd make it, you're strong."

"Think so?"

"Definitely…who took down Fitz single handedly the day Clare let off a stink bomb so we wouldn't get pulverized?"

"I did… I can't believe you still remember that."

"I forget nothing…"

"I'm about to go to bed. Thanks for going to me and Fi's place and getting us some clothes for the night."

"No problem man. If there is anything else you need just let me know."

"Thanks Eli."

I was about to leave Drew's place when I noticed Clare saying her goodbyes and leaving too. We both said goodbye to Drew and then I was a gentleman and I walked her to her car. She was abnormally quiet.

"So, want to grab something to eat Clare?"

"Sure… Um… Where?"

"Not to brag but I make a mean turkey club sandwich."

"Won't your girlfr…"

"I don't' have a girlfriend. That was actually my massage therapist."

"Oh… feel kind of…wow. I can't believe this is happening to Adam."

"Me either. It's sad but, I know he will get through it."

"We can only hope so."

I opened her car door for her and then I got into Morty. She trailed me back to my place in her car. When we got there it was up to my loft where I whipped up some toasty hot turkey club sandwiches.

"This is good…. I guess I forgot."

"Yes you did…We have to talk, but I don't know how inappropriate it would be given the circumstances."

"Just say it Goldsworthy."

"I know you are still in love with me. Adam told me everything."

"Well that may be but… you don't love me anymore."

Clare

I feel like an idiot. I broke down crying in Eli's kitchen, over the tasty sandwich he cooked. It was all my emotions from today and the past two months spilling out in his loft. I covered my face to cover up the fact that I was actually crying, but Eli just pulled my hands down. He looked me in the eye and kissed me.

"I could never stop loving you Clare… Even though I thought you didn't love me I couldn't stop loving you."

I held onto Eli tight. We stood in his kitchen for hours, kissing and embracing. I found myself happier. Sad for my friend's loss, but happy for gaining my heart's desire after denying it for so long. When we finally let go of each other we could only smile at each other.

"So, Eli… I think we should take this slow."

"Me too… Slow and steady wins the race."

"Exactly."

"Fuck slow and steady…"

"Oh thank god."

"We are so messed."

"That's why we are perfect for each other."

"Should we let people know?"

"I don't know…"

"Should we…"

"Shhhh…you think too much."

Eli kissed me and I kissed him back. It was like a natural reaction. He clapped his hands and the lights in his loft went off, the curtains opened and the lights of the city shone through. It was beautiful. This moment was beautiful. We didn't even have to have sex for the romance to ensue… It was plenty romantic with him holding me tight while we watched our city from up high.

**thank you for reading, please leave a review, let me know your predictions, thoughts, comments... lol. =)**


	12. Chapter 12

Clare

The day before the funeral and it seems like Adam is about worn out with the visitors. I'm sure he appreciates the thoughts along with the twenty cakes, fifteen pies and seven jello molds… He just probably needs some time to rest. Grief makes you sleepy.

Fiona tried her best to assist Eli and me in assisting the Torres family but she wasn't much help because she needed assisting. It's understandable. It seems like Mrs. Torres death is bringing people together… Alli and Drew got back together. I knew they would in some strange way, it's just sad that it took a death for it to happen.

After countless visitors Adam came into the kitchen with Eli and I and he grabbed an entire lemon meringue pie and he went to town on it. We didn't say anything… Pie does help sometimes.

"I appreciate the people but I wish they'd go home."

"We know what you mean… Want me to tell them to come back tomorrow?"

"No, better I get all the visiting out of the way now. After the funeral tomorrow I won't be up for socializing at all."

"Okay."

"How are you holding up?"

"Not well. I need some good news… Tell me you two got pregnant last night?"

"No but…"

"We did get back together, officially."

"Good news at last. Of course Drew and Alli got back together. I knew they would."

"Yeah they are made for each other."

"Yeah, he provides her with entertainment and she provides him with the brain he wasn't born with."

"Adam harsh! That is your brother."

"I know I know…"

"How are your dad and Fiona?"

"Fiona is trying to be strong for me but I know she's suffering too… We share a heart so of course she is and my dad… He can't sleep. He says the bed doesn't feel right if my mom's side isn't weighted down."

"Poor Mr. Torres."

"Yeah… I guess little things you never think about until the person is gone."

"Yeah."

Eli

Clare went to go check on Fiona who was sitting on the porch swing away from the visitors while I talked to Adam. He seemed to want to talk about everything but what was going on at the moment, which was fine with me. I guess distraction is the only way he is keeping from going crazy in all of this.

"Open up that liquor basket your folks sent Eli."

"Sure thing Adam, but do you think it's a good idea with the guests here?"

"Yes. If this cake soaked in rum didn't get me drunk then a glass of something can't do much more damage."

"Alrighty then."

I poured Adam a glass of scotch and he downed it quick. I wish I'd told him not to do that but it would have been pointless. Ten minutes later Adam's speech was slurred and he seemed both cheerful and sorrowful. I knew this was a bad idea because Adam can't hold his liquor and he's a lousy drunk. It was my job to send to guests away.

"Hi everyone… Adam is feeling a little under the weather now and I think the family could use some rest. I want to thank you for coming and bringing your lovely gifts and dishes. We will make sure to return your containers in the coming weeks. I'm afraid that I have to ask that you now leave."

I managed to get Adam standing up straight long enough to shake every hand and smile at people. Once the last guest left he slumped to the floor and he started laughing, thinking of a memory he had with his mom, and then in a split second he started crying. Fiona helped me get Adam to the room they were staying in. They closed the door and I guess she calmed him down.

Drew and Alli sat on the couch looked through old photo books they'd gotten from the Torres home. There wasn't any anger in her face and no annoyance in his. This must be truly a new start for them.

I found Clare in the kitchen cleaning up dirty dishes that the guests had left behind. You'd think that if they truly had respect for the family, they wouldn't eat the food they bought or mess up so many plates and silverware.

"You wash I'll dry."

"Thanks. So you kicked them out nicely."

"Really?"

"Yeah… I've never heard you sound so nice. You almost sounded sincere in your sweetness."

"Almost huh?"

"Yeah… Why did you let him into the booze? You know he can't take it."

"Yeah neither of you ever could. I figured he could use a drink. I just forgot that liquor was a depressant…"

"Yeah, depressing the depressed is not a wise thing to do… Adam probably persisted if I know him."

"Oh yeah… If it wasn't the scotch, he would have eaten that entire rum cake to get twisted."

"Our Adam. I wonder if he will be okay?"

"Like I said, he's strong… Adam will make it through this. He's a fighter. Plus they are getting the baby in two weeks… He will be sad for a while but he will have to live life."

"We can only hope so."

"Maybe we should go on a trip… After all of this in a few weeks."

"Somewhere with a beach."

"Why?"

"Beaches make people happy."

"Whatever you say."

Clare

After cleaning up I told the Torres clan goodbye. Tomorrow is the funeral. Today was sad enough with them having to view the body but there is no telling how things will go with everybody saying the final goodbye. The feeling you get when they lower that person into the ground is a horrible one. You know for sure then that you will never see them, or bump into them on the street again. I can only hope I will be there for my friend and be helpful when he realizes that.

Adam has always been the happy one out of our little trio. Seeing him like this makes me sad, sad that tragedy would come to him.

"Wanna stay the night at my place?"

"Sure, I've never actually seen your house."

"Well, it's not downtown loft but it will do."

Eli trailed me to my house. We got through the door and I introduced him to my humble abode.

"It's nice."

"Thanks."

"The kitchen is yellow."

"Huh?"

"Yellow, the kitchen is yellow with a sunflower theme."

"Yeah."

"You always said you would have a yellow sunflower kitchen. Remember you tried to do that to my first place?"

"Yeah but it didn't work. The walls were too sweaty to paint or paper."

"That was a rat trap."

"Yeah."

"What happened to it?"

"It turned into a crack house and then the city condemned it and the fire fighters in training burned it the ground."

"Wow. So much for memories."

"Are you ready for this tomorrow?"

"No, but we have to be there for Adam."

"Definitely."

**Thanks for reading, please leave a review. =)**


	13. Chapter 13

Clare

The funeral ended. They lowered Mrs. Torres flower topped coffin into the six foot hole dug into the cemetery. Then the crowd of relatives and friends of hers dissipated. Eli, Alli and I stood back while Adam, Drew, Fiona and Mr. Torres said their final goodbyes.

"I've never seen Drew so… vulnerable."

"Me either, so you two are back on?"

"Yeah. Deep down I knew we would reconnect, this just turned out to be the right time. He needed me."

"He needs you."

"Yeah, so roommate I regret to inform you that I will be moving back out."

"I half expected that."

"We have bigger issues chatter bugs… How are we going to keep Adam away from the booze tonight?"

"No clue, unless you hide it."

"He'd just find it."

"Well, let him get drunk. Maybe a good cry and hangover would help some."

"Alli if this ends up disastrous, it's your fault."

Adam caught a ride with Eli, while Mr. Torres, Fiona, Alli and Drew rode with me. The family car limousine left shortly after delivering them to the grave site. We got back to their house; people were there with dishes and desserts galore. Mr. Torres sighed in annoyance but cleared his throat immediately after, as if to rebuff the sigh.

Luckily the people today were a bit more understanding. Nobody used the china; instead they opted for paper dishes and plastic silverware. No dishes had to be washed and luckily all the food they bought was in disposable pans. Everyone ate, and gave the family their condolences, and then they left. Once the last guest was gone, Alli, Fiona and I started helping to Torres boys sort through the countless cards and gifts… We also got started writing out thank you cards.

Eli stood aside, offering a laugh now and then, helping clean up. Mostly he was watching Adam… Adam does seem rather unsteady, out of balance… Abnormal. I mean that is a usual reaction when you lose someone, but it just feels safe to keep an eye on him to make sure he doesn't try anything he will regret.

Fiona and Adam returned to their loft and Mr. Torres returned to the empty nester house he used to share with his wife… Alli was staying the night with Drew and me well I had plans…

"Clare?"

"Eli…"

"Wanna stay at my place tonight? It gets lonely, in the big pent all alone."

"Oh no, you won't get your way just because you are glaring those sad green eyes at me."

"Please?"

"Alright… I'll have to get some things from home first."

"Great, I'll clear you out a drawer."

"Whoa, I get a drawer?"

"Yes Clare, you are special… You've always had a drawer."

"Yeah… I remember my drawer in your first apartment… I didn't put clothes in it. For some reason moths were in the dressers… Instead I put..."

"Condoms, pictures of us and a box of mementos, including those earrings we got on our first date."

"Yeah… I wonder what ever happened to that stuff."

"It's at the loft."

"You kept it?"

"Duh."

Eli

So I got her to come to the loft. I got there first, and then I showered. She arrived an hour later after getting some clothes from home. She plopped down on the couch and placed her heels neatly beside the coffee table, she always does that. She was still in the clothes from the funeral. I took out the pictures and the box of stuff… We started looking through them and laughing. She laughed at her odd facial expressions and I laughed at the fact that in all the pictures from high school only two of my nails were colored in with marker.

"Eli, we have grown up seriously."

"I know….speaking of growing up I have to go out of town tomorrow. I'm going to be on Fallon."

"That's great. I will be watching."

"Thanks… You know you could watch from here if you want."

"What are you hinting at?"

"You could come here whenever you like, even when I'm not here."

"Thanks, I might have to take you up on that offer rock star. The lights of the city do inspire me…and I can't see them from my house."

"Then it's settled."

Clare

I stood at the window looking at the incredible view. Eli grabbed my waist from behind and kissed my neck. I giggled slightly because his breath going down my back tickled. He slipped a key into my hand and we stood at the huge window together.

"I'm going to go take a shower."

"Okay…"

"Wanna join me? I could get lost in your huge walk in…"

"I'd be delighted to um...Navigate you through."

I grabbed Eli's hand and led him towards the bathroom in his room. I unzipped my dress and it fell, revealing my lacy black underwear. Eli looked my body over and bit his lip.

"Give a girl a hand?"

He unhooked my bra and kissed my shoulders as the lacy piece fell to the ground, along with the matching panties. He threw his sleep pants to the side. I turned on the water… instantly warm. I really could get used to this. We stepped under the warm spray and the water rushed down our bodies wetting us completely and covering every kiss. I ran my fingers down Eli's six pack, feeling the rock hard muscle under my fingers. He smiled slyly while I did.

"Just admit it, you think I'm hot."

"Don't flatter yourself… I was just checking out the new additions."

"I think you're hot too."

"Thanks, but enough of this hot talk…"

"Oh that's right, this is bath time… Let me give you a hand."

Eli lathered up the loofa and washed my body gently. Each touch from him upset the butterflies in my stomach in the most delicious way. He ran the loofa across my tender, waiting breasts and to my anxious core, I moaned softly and he kissed me on the cheek. He was a thorough washer… It was amazing how he barely touched me, yet I got clean and I nearly came. After rinsing off I wrapped myself in one of the huge towels and dried off. By the time I was done and I'd put my nightshirt on, he was already on the bed lying down. I pretended to be about to sleep on the couch and he pulled me into the bed by my wrist.

"You don't mean we should sleep in the same bed together?"

"Oh I do mean it…You mean it too because you aren't wearing panties."

"Well, I'm caught red handed."

"Red assed."

"Ha, funny."

I let myself completely go with Eli. I kissed him aggressively while I ran my fingers through his hair. His hands were firmly planted on my hips. He flipped over and suddenly he was on top. I felt his hardness against my core and it felt like a million butterflies were shooting through my veins. He makes me so anxious.

He went into me and my toes curled immediately. I held onto him tight as he moved his massive girth through me. Time had no meaning and neither did direction. Somehow we'd fallen off the bed, but that didn't stop us any. We switched positions effortlessly, our bodies were in sync and the pleasure was always at its maximum…until it overflowed sending us simultaneously into a blissful orgasm. We lay in the floor holding each other until we had the energy to get up…

Eli

The next day Clare waved to me through the herds of people at the airport while I went through the gate to board the plane. She agreed to stay at my place and keep is homey until I return tomorrow night. I got on the plane and went to first class. They had champagne but I didn't really feel like having any. I just chewed the gum in my mouth vigorously to keep my ears from popping.

When the plane landed in NYC, I spit out the gum and met up with my agent in the airport. He went over the schedule for today with me. It wasn't much I had to do. Just a meet and greet, a meeting with my fan club and the Fallon followed by an appearance in a night club, oh and a few phone interviews here and there.

While we were on the way to the hotel I called Adam to make sure he was doing okay. Although I'm sure Clare has already checked on him, I need to.

"Eli, done baby making so soon?"

"I'll be doing more baby making as soon as I get back from New York. How'd you know?"

"Clare was so chipper when she called this morning."

"Ah, the glow."

"Yeah, I could tell she was glowing and I couldn't even see her."

"I have a way."

"Oh whatever dude, you are glowing too…"

"Yeah I am… So how are you?"

"The uh, dreaded question. I'm not okay, but I'm not bad. Dad is moving; we helped him get his things this morning and sort through mom's stuff."

"Oh…how was that?"

"Well…it was kind of hard knowing that she'd never wear her favorite power suit and pearls again but… it was something we've come to terms with. We did find a use for all her sweaters…"

"What?"

"We are going to have them made into a blanket for the baby."

"That's great."

"Yeah and my dad wanted the pearls… He gave them to her when they were dating so he needed that memento."

"What did you get to remember her by?"

"Well this might sound silly but I got her perfume… It was still mostly full but at least now when I miss her I can spray a little and pretend that she's just left for the day."

"That's not silly; it sounds like an awesome way to remember her."

"Enough of this death and sadness though… How are you two?"

"We are great Adam. We had sex until nearly dawn and I gave her a drawer…"

"She's having us over for dinner at your place tonight."

"I told her to keep it homey."

"She's doing it. Why aren't you two married yet?"

"Adam."

"Seriously, you two should have gotten married ages ago. You should have kids by now. I want nieces and nephews."

"You have Declan Jr. and Lizzy."

"They both act like Holly J! They are totally evil."

"Tell me about it."

"Well dude, I'm about to go and get ready for work. Talk to you later?"

"Of course."

**Thanks for reading, please leave a review...wonder what's going to happen next?**


	14. Chapter 14

Clare

So I think I have a slight problem…. I'm addicted to Eli's pent. It's just so awesome. The water gets instantly hot in the showers, he even has a bench in his shower… His view of the city is breathtaking and the hot tub in his work out room isn't bad either. I may or may not have been volunteering to house sit every time he goes out of town… It's like my house is nothing more than a vacation home at this point but, right now I have to leave the comfort of…Eli's apartment and go to my house to help Alli move. A little fresh air could be good for me.

I got to my place and Alli had clothes all over the place. Drew was carrying boxes out to a tiny moving trailer they'd rented for the day.

"Hi, I'm here."

"You are announcing yourself at your own house?"

"Sorry I just… Have you seen Eli's place?"

"Yes, and I can understand how you could get addicted. It's a nice and luxurious place and it also helps to have a guy who never wants you to leave… Clare you've fallen into to trap."

"Totally captured so… question, why do you have so much stuff?"

"Clare, I'm co-owner of a boutique, I have to try out every piece."

"Uh huh…"

"Clare, did Alli tell you the news?"

"No Drew I didn't, I was saving it for our girl's night out Friday."

"What?"

She put her left hand over her chest dramatically and then I noticed the huge rock on it. Once I spotted the ring we both started jumping around, squealing like teenagers who'd gotten permission to go to a party.

"You can be expecting to be putting on another wedding dress in about four months… We want the wedding to be before I start seriously showing."

"Alli you're pregnant! Congrats on everything you guys! Awww I'm so happy for you!"

"I'll leave you two ladies to celebrate."

The news was great. I guess after tragedy, people need some good news. Tomorrow was the party to introduce Heather Coyne-Torres to the world. Adam and Fiona sent pictures of her to all of us when they got her, she was beautiful. She's only a week old. It seems lately that babies are everywhere, but it's time for babies…and marriage, and love. When Drew left the room Alli gave me the details on how Drew proposed. Turns out, he didn't even know she was pregnant before he did, so his decision wasn't swayed or forced. I started helping Alli sort through her stuff and then I got a phone call.

"Hello?"

"Hi…"

"Hey Eli."

"Hey, the loft is so lonely."

"You are back?"

"Yeah… Where are you? If you don't mind me asking."

"I'm helping Alli pack up at my place."

"Oh cool. So I was thinking, I've been on the run a lot these past few weeks. Want to go on a date?"

"Well, I'll have to think about it… Done thinking, okay."

"Great, your place or mine?"

"You can pick me up from here. I'm starting to feel bad for abandoning my house for your loft."

"It's understandable. See you tonight at seven?"

"It's a date…"

I hung up the phone, leaned against a wall and I let out a small sigh. I didn't even notice Alli was there until she cleared her throat. I jumped and turned to look at her. She had a brow raised and a devious smile on her face.

"I know that look."

"Alli stop it."

"Clare's in looove…"

"Shut up!"

"Clare, you are totally glowing and usually on these days you are grouchy."

"What do you mean these days?"

"Clare, you know you and I usually have our Aunt Flo's over to visit around the same time… PMS city, but now that I'm pregnant…"

"Huh, you are right. That's weird, I'm late… must be stress or something."

"Totally… I wouldn't worry about it."

It was a challenging task, but we finally got all of Alli's stuff sorted, boxed and into the little moving trailer. Afterwards she left with Drew and my house was silent. I took a tiny nap and then I showered. I decided on jeans, with a pair of strappy black sandals and a light pink shirt that flowed and stopped right past my hips. It had one strap that went across my shoulder and it was flowery. I decided to go with a little black clutch and not a big purse. I packed the essentials… Cell, roll up flat shoes, lip gloss, tiny lotion bottle, keys, a tampon in case my friend decides to come and money. I curled my hair and put on some light makeup. I was ready by 6:58… by the time I got downstairs and turned everything off, Eli was ringing my doorbell.

"Hi."

"Hi, you look beautiful. These flowers are for you… though I don't know if I should take them to my place or what."

"Ha ha, funny."

"I like the fact that you are there a lot. I like the way your vanilla perfume lingers in a room… and how you make my cook ware not only for decoration."

"Well I mean just as long as you know I'm doing you a favor by staying there."

"Oh definitely."

"It has nothing to do with the luxuriousness of it."

"Of course not. Your chariot my lady?"

"Thank you sir."

I locked up and then it was on to our date… Sitting in Morty was like stepping back in time. It's almost hard to believe that Eli still has Morty, and that he still actually drives him. Most guys would have switched out for a Lamborghini or a Ferrari by now… but not Eli. I guess he's not most guys.

"So I was thinking, since you are the girl… You should choose what we do. We could go to this fancy restaurant or we can go to the park or to McDonalds..but if you really wanna get old school, the Dot is open until eleven."

"Well, I could use some good vendor food… a hot dog with sauerkraut, onions, mustard and relish sounds great…. Oh and gelato for dessert."

"The park it is…"

We went to the park and it was romantic. There were couples out all over the place, so I'm guessing Eli and I weren't the only ones with this idea. I got the hot dog with a coke. It was great….So good that Eli ate two of them. We walked around after eating until our food settled and then we got some gelato to top off the evening. We sat on a park bench and we watched the moon reflect against the pond there… Oh and the ducks were entertaining too.

"Hey, you licked my ice cream! Don't try to eat up my hazelnut because you settled for vanilla!"

"Clare, don't make me hurt you…just share the hazelnut and nobody has to leave on a stretcher."

"No! I won't!"

We had an ice cream war that ended with us eating each other's ice cream until only the cone was left. Neither of us could be mad, instead we just laughed and threw the soggy cones away. He wrapped his arm around me and we looked at the moon. It was lovely.

"So, Drew and Alli are getting married and they are pregnant."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah."

"That's great… Did you bringing that up have a deeper meaning?"

"No, not yet… But one day it will."

"I gotcha."

"It's starting to get a little drafty."

"You want to go back to my place don't you?"

"I'm shocked you would assume such. I'm a lady with morals and standards."

"Just get in the hearse."

"Don't have to tell me twice."

We went back to Eli's place and we made love in front of the window with the view. I don't think anybody can see into here, but if they can then they certainly got an eye full. Afterwards I lay on the floor wrapped in a throw blanket while he sat on his coffee table and scribbled something on a notepad.

"What are you writing?"

"A song."

"About?"

"If I told you now there wouldn't be any surprise…"

"Sing it."

I put the blanket around me like a dress and I got his guitar from the other side of the room. I handed it to him. He looked at me with a devilish grin and I kissed him on the cheek. I've won this battle… He played the tune of the song he was writing and he sang what was on the paper. It was like a story. Not like country, but it told what happened tonight.

"It was beautiful."

"Thanks."

"Do you write songs about all of our encounters?"

"Yes."

"Even the bad times?"

"Yes. Do you write books about all of ours? I've read what you've been writing lately."

"You snuck onto my computer?"

"Yup… Luke came back."

"Well I never said he'd be gone forever."

We sat on the couch. I was still wrapped in the blanket and he was only wearing pants… He sang to me and in some instances we sang together. It was pleasant. Eventually his songs were the lullaby that put me to sleep…When I awoke the next day; I found that I was in Eli's bed… I also found a note on the nightstand. It was in his scribbly lunatic hand writing. It said: **Good Morning Blue eyes.** I smiled and went to the shower. The water felt great on my skin.

When I stepped out I wrapped myself in a towel and looked in my drawer to find something to wear. I grabbed the usual underwear, and then I decided on a pair of skinny jeans and a gray off the shoulder shirt that would be perfect for the day, and for baby Heather's party. Speaking of which, I have to get a gift.

I put our dirty clothes in the wash and then I grabbed my purse. As I was walking down the hall to the elevator Eli was coming back from wherever he'd been.

"Hey you…"

"Hey. I was just doing an interview at my dad's station. Where are you off to?"

"Going to get baby Heather a gift."

"Oh shit I totally forgot! I'll drive."

"Great, I won't have to hail a cab."

We went to this little shop for babies. I got Heather an adorable stuffed Elephant with a hooded Teddy bear bath towel and a bronze keepsake tooth box for the later years.

Eli

How am I supposed to know what to get a baby? I don't think I've ever shopped for a kid. I would give her money but, she has enough of that. I decided to consult an expert for this situation.

"Clare."

"Huh?"

"I need help."

"Okay, what's up?"

"I don't know how to shop for a child… Your gifts are child friendly."

"Oh Eli, if you don't know what to get… just get a diaper cake and a teddy bear."

"Thanks for the tip… Wait Clare, what size?"

"Boys..."

She helped me get the right size diaper cake. The teddy bear, I could find on my own. I decided to get the womb sounds bear for baby Heather. Adam said nothing too extravagant. This just seems like it's not enough. I wrote a check for a thousand and put it in a little decorative card. Every kid, no matter how rich or poor can always used money to go in a college fund…

By the time Clare was done dressing up the presents it was time to go to the party. When we arrived the party was in full swing. Fiona was holding baby Heather. We put our gifts on the gift table and then we blended into the party. I found Adam talking with Drew by the punch and champagne.

"Sup guys?"

"Eli! You are ten minutes late, your tardiness is rubbing off on Clare."

"Yeah I know… So Adam and Drew, congrats. Both brothers, fathers…"

"So Clare told you about Alli?"

"Yes she did."

"I knew she would."

"Well Drew, at least its good news."

"Yeah it is…"

"Adam, how does it feel to be a dad?"

"I don't know. Fiona's been hogging Heather since we bought her home. I can already tell Heather is going to be like a little paper doll for her to dress and style."

"Isn't that why all women want little girls?"

"You make a valid point. So Eli, when are you going to join the club?"

"What the marriage club? I would right now if I could but Clare and I are taking things easy."

"No, the daddy club."

"Oh, well I don't know."

"It may be sooner than you think."

"Now Drew, why would you say a thing like that?"

"Well, I overheard Clare tell Alli she was late yesterday when we were moving Alli out."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Dude, if I were you I'd just look into it. Don't be overbearing but… do a little snooping."

"That's quite alright; if she is I will let her tell me when she's ready."

"Suit yourself."

The party was great. I even got to hold the guest of honor, though she slept through her own celebration. Seeing Clare hold the baby made me think. What if she is pregnant and in a few months this is us, throwing a party to introduce our baby to the world? She does have a motherly aura to her.

**Thanks for reading, please leave a review. Give me your thoughts =D**


	15. Chapter 15

Clare

Eli went out of town again, this time I decided to stay at my house. I think it misses me. While I was doing my writing a celebrity gossip show was on. These things never catch or hold my attention, but this time Eli's name was mentioned…along with mine! They were saying that we are reported to be a couple. They didn't have a back story on us thank goodness but they called us an odd couple and they put a six month time stamp on us. Wow, those assholes…

I went on writing with my jar of gherkins by my side. Lately they have been sort of a writing aid. Have a few gherkin pickles; roll out a delicious plot... It's become a pattern of sorts. When I saved that chapter of my story I put up my little helpers and I watched some cartoons while I waited for Alli to get here. We are supposed to be going dress shopping today.

She finally arrived, along with Fiona and baby Heather who was asleep. We took her Range Rover because there was more space. The conversation was light until Alli asked me something I hadn't been thinking about.

"So Clare, did it finally come?"

"Did what come?"

"Your period silly…"

"Oh, that thing…"

"Well, will our kids be playmates or what?"

"What kids?"

"Clare…you haven't gotten it have you?"

"Alli, my period is irregular and I'm under stress."

"What kind of stress…"

"That's not important. I'm probably starting menopause."

"Clare, now I have to butt in, that is ridiculous…Menopause?"

"Yes Fiona, menopause."

"Clare, just face the facts… you are growing life inside of you."

"No, you just face the facts that I'm not."

"Alright, we will see…."

Crazy Alli and her insane assumptions. Pregnant, who ever heard of such madness? I can't be pregnant… Eli and I finally made out a schedule for my book tour and his concert tour that would allow us to be together in every city. There's no room for a baby in this picture, not yet.

The dress shopping was fun. Alli tried on some silly dresses, and also some very beautiful ones. I hope Drew treats her well. Lord knows she's broken her back for him to try and be a good girlfriend.

After the dress shopping was done with, Alli dropped me back off at home. I kissed baby Heather and then I bid Fiona and Alli goodbye. I went into my house and I plopped down on the couch. I'm exhausted… A nap is just what I need right now. I closed my eyes and took a little snooze only to be awakened by the phone ringing…

"Hello?"

"Hey, I'm back in town for a few days…"

"Cool."

"What's the matter?"

"Nothing, you just caught me in the middle of a nap."

"Oh, sorry…I would come to you but I'm jet lagged and I'm half out of my mind."

"I understand… Um give me an hour or two to get myself together and I will be there."

"Great. Anything you want for dinner?"

"A deluxe turkey sandwich sounds superb."

"Gotcha babe."

I went back to sleep for an hour before I showered and put on a flowy sundress… then it was straight to Eli's pent. I didn't even have to knock for him to answer the door. It flew open and he stood there with the remote in his hand. He looked tired and worn out. I can relate because I could use another nap myself.

"Hey Clare."

"Hey Eli."

"You're tired? Why?"

"Dress shopping with Alli and arguing with her really took a lot out of me."

"Arguing?"

"Not like a real argument… more like best friend bickering."

"Oh, over what? Am I allowed to know?"

"She thinks I'm pregnant. I keep trying to tell her that the idea is crazy but she won't listen."

"It's not that crazy of an idea. We didn't use a condom in New York or the first time we did it here."

"Well, I wasn't ovulating."

"How do you know?"

"Because my voice wasn't deeper."

"What? Clare you are a mess…"

He actually had to nerve to laugh at my excuses. I guess they are pretty ridiculous. It's just that, the thought of a baby shakes and rattles me. What if I'm not a good mom? I'm so selfish sometimes that it could be a possibility… Eli finally got tired of arguing with me about this, and he went to the drug store across the street to get a pregnancy test. I went to the window… It's crazy that I could see him leaving and coming back. Before I could click my heels twice he was back with the Clear Blue digital pregnancy test.

"Here… pee on it."

"Well don't sound so blunt."

"This is just like that time."

"Don't even mention it!"

"In college, when you thought we were pregnant. You pissed on the stick in the woods and then we waited for the results in the car."

"We were so dysfunctional. I guess I will take this in a month or two."

"Clare!"

"Just kidding, geez! What is with everybody and wanting me to be pregnant?"'

I went into the bathroom and I read the instructions. They were pretty simple. After I made water on the stick and washed my hands I sat the test on top of a piece of tissue paper on the ledge of the bathtub. Time seemed to be stopping because the minutes were going so slow. Eli had come into the bathroom with me. He sat on the sink and I sat on the toilet seat lid. Then the hourglass disappeared and the results popped up except… I didn't get to read them before Eli grabbed the pee stick.

"Well what does it say?"

"….."

"Eli?"

"It says…. Your excuses were total bullshit because you are impregnated!"

"What!"

"What?"

"Eli!"

"Clare!"

I found myself feeling quite dizzy… My knees buckled a little but before I could hit the ground Eli caught me. I don't know why my body is overreacting. This isn't exactly bad news just…surprising news.

"I'm pregnant… Oh no! That means Alli was right. The swelling in her head will never go down before the wedding."

"Well, at least this means the baby won't be the only kid its age."

"Yeah… All the kids can grow up together…"

"Exactly."

"I wonder how far along I am?"

"Why?"

"Because… if I got pregnant in New York then... I'm scared."

"Why?"

"I've drank an entire bottle of Tequila before we got back together."

"Oh. I'm sure everything is fine."

"I have to go to the doctor's."

"That would be wise."

All night we talked about names, birthing methods and even dating rules if it's a girl. However we didn't talk about the big magenta elephant sitting in the middle of his loft. Would we get married? Would we not get married yet and trade the baby back and forth? Would we move in together? How would our careers change? Would we live at my place, his place or would we move completely? There are so many questions I wanted to ask, but words failed me and I went to sleep.

Eli

This is news. It's good news to me, but I'm not so sure Clare is exactly happy about the fact that she's pregnant. I think it will grow on her with time, or at least I hope it will grow on her with time. When I was sure she was asleep I called Adam to let him know… Mom and Dad are next on the list.

"Hello? Dude it's like two in the morning… Don't tell me you are in jail again?"

"No, I'm not in jail Adam. I called you tell you that you are going to be an uncle dude!"

"You horny old basset hound! Clare's pregnant?"

"Yeah, we just found out tonight."

"Dude that's awesome. Now Heather and Alli and Drew's kid will not be lonely. Heather will need a playmate with smarts if their kid has Drew's brains."

"That is your brother!"

"I know, I'm terrible."

"Dude, I just called you tell you the awesome news."

"And awesome news it is. We will have to celebrate when we hit up Hawaii for the big couple's trip in two weeks."

"Definitely."

After telling Adam the good news I called my parents. I know there is no way they are sleeping at this time because my dad is just getting off work right now. My mother answered the phone and loud music was in the background along with the sound of something frying… Probably beef patties.

"Mom?"

"Hi baby boy! What is going on?"

"A lot actually. Mom I just called to tell you the awesome news!"

"What is it? Am I breaking out my dancing shoes for you and Clare's wedding?"

"No, even better... You are breaking out the knitting needles to make booties for our kid!"

"AHHHHHHH! My baby is pregnant… I mean, well…you know what I mean! You are going to be a daddy! Hey Bullfrog! Eli and Clare are pregnant!"

"Congrats you little brat!"

"Thanks you guys. I figured you two would be happy about this."

"How far along is she?"

"We don't know yet. She just took the test tonight."

"Well when you find out let us know okay? Or you two could just come over for dinner next week?"

"That sounds great mom."

"Wonderful! I'm going to be a granny…"

I laughed at my mother's reaction. I knew she'd be happy about this. It's weird but I think she would have been content for me to get Clare pregnant even in high school. It wouldn't have made a difference to her. She and my father have always had a very "the more the merrier" attitude.

I put the phone back on the charger and I noticed Clare standing behind me. She leaned down and wrapped her arms around me. I pulled her over the couch and into my lap. She just laid there running her fingers through my hair.

"So Cece and Bullfrog were happy?"

"Overly."

"I know Adam was excited… His text just woke me up."

"Crazy Adam."

We sat there in silence. There was so much we needed to discuss; I think Clare knew that too. But it felt like when I tried to talk about the big magenta elephant in the room, someone locked my lips and threw away the key. I have never been one to hold my tongue but I don't want to freak her out. Should I ask her to marry me? Should I just ask her to move in? Will we raise the baby at her house and mine? Will they come with me on tour? Will we go with her on tour? Will we stay at my place or move to hers or will we both sell our places and move somewhere else? I guess all good news comes with complications.

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	16. Chapter 16

Clare

"You are two and a half months."

"Oh thank god…"

"Now I'm going to start you on some prenatal vitamins."

"Okay doc."

"Oh and one more thing, my daughter and I love your books… With her going through that crazy teenage phase it's the only thing that allows us to have a civil conversation, it would mean the world if you'd sign this for us."

"Sure."

I signed the book and I took a picture with the doctor. After the visit I grabbed the prenatal vitamins and I left. I can't believe I'm pregnant. What do I know about babies or kids? Nothing really, I mean I can babysit but as we all know, babysitting a kid and raising one are two totally different things. When I got to the car I put on my earpiece and returned my agent, Susan's phone call. At least I was going to until she called me again.

"Hello Susan."

"Where have you been?"

"I was at the doctor's office."

"Oh no, you aren't dying are you?"

"No Susan I'm not… I'm pregnant."

"What!"

"I know…"

"Well that is good news… I have better news though. The people are responding well and um…rumors of a love affair with Eli the singer might be helping purport those books sales… So as your representation I have to know… Is it true and is he the baby's daddy?'

"Yes and yes…"

"Ha! I knew it; the latest stuff you sent me was so happy and hopefully but not too saccharine! Luke came back and here I was thinking along with the fans that he never would."

"Oh gosh Susan, of course Luke would come back."

"Well, baby mama. I will talk to you later."

"Alright hun."

"Bye."

"Goodbye."

Eli was going to be at the studio until tonight when we had to go to his parents for dinner, so I decided to utilize his shower. I got in and let the hot water flow on me. Since I can't sit in the hot tub anymore, this will have to do.

I started thinking about all of the crazy things women go through when they are pregnant, swollen ankles and feet, getting fat, eating weird and oddly paired foods, mood swings and morning sickness, that's a whole lot of insane… I decided to call my mother and let her know the big news, but before I could even get to my phone she was calling me… What is with people and doing that today?

"Hi mom."

"Well I'm glad I was the first one to find out I was going to be a granny."

"Mom, I wanted to know for sure and I wanted to see how far along I was before I went blabbing. Who told you?"

"Cece just called and invited me to dinner tonight."

"Oh good, then we can all be together."

"So my baby is having a baby."

"Mom geez, don't get all gushy on me."

"I can't help it. I'm so proud of you baby."

"Thanks mom."

"Well, I will see you at dinner tonight at the Goldsworthy's. I have to go start knitting booties, hats and blankets."

"Oh my goodness mom, bye."

"Bye honey."

I hung up the phone and shook my head. I picked out the clothes for dinner with Eli's parents. I decided on jeans and a flowy shirt with a sweater and ballet flats… Just to keep things casual. After I'd laid the outfit on the bed I sat on the couch and I watched some SpongeBob, you cannot go wrong with him… That put me to sleep. The doctor did say that pregnancy could be a reason for my fatigue lately. It's good to know I'm not just lazy.

I woke up when I heard keys jingling in the door. Eli walked through the door with bottled water in one hand and a snicker bar in the other… He evidentially didn't see me lying there because he just tore into the poor little candy bar… destroying it like a fox feeding in a henhouse. I cleared my throat and he looked my way.

"oooohhhicaw.."

"What? I know Cece taught you not to try and speak with your mouth full."

"I said, oh hi Clare."

"Hi Eli…. Are you okay? You are kind of murdering that snicker bar."

"I just needed it… It wanted to talk to me while I was in the studio and it was in the vending machine. So I bought it, the little chocolate voice only got louder so I had to silence it."

"Right… that sounds totally sane."

"What did the doctor say?"

"I'm two and a half months."

"That's great. We have plenty of time to plan."

"Yes we do…"

Eli

I showered and put on jeans and a tee for dinner with my parents. Clare got dressed too and then we were off to the house of my childhood. When we got there I was surprised to see Clare's mom's car in the driveway… Leave it to my mother to spread the word and bring the family together.

We got inside and Clare was whisked away by our mothers and cascaded with hugs, kisses and exclamations of joy. My dad just patted me on the shoulder and we sat in the living room. He tossed me a beer and we watched the movie he had on. I can feel a "heart to heart" coming on.

"You know Eli, your mom and I are real proud of you son…"  
"I know dad."

"You chased your dreams, became a success and you now are going to be a dad."

"Dad, what are you trying to say?"

"I'm trying to say that I can't believe you are all grown up!"

"Dad, don't start."

"Seems just like yesterday we had to cut you a wicked shaved Mohawk because that little husky girl in your kindergarten class who liked you put gum in your hair."

"Dad…"

"It seems like last week that your mother and I caught you pleasuring yourself in the bathroom to a picture of Buffy the Vampire Slayer."

"Dad! Oh my gosh, don't bring that up…"

"Just saying champ… time flies. You'll be a good dad."

"Thanks dad…"

Clare

These two are scaring me. They teamed up on me and started telling me about even more crazy pregnancy stuff and then they got to the labor section of the conversation and it was like a whirlwind of synonyms for pain, insanity and anger. By the time they were done I needed to sit down.

Dinner finally got done and I was glad because truth be told, I'm starving. Cece made some kind of seasoned baked chicken with potatoes. It was a yummy dish. It would have been better if I'd been able to have wine with it like everyone else; instead I had to drink grape juice…

For dessert she bought out some Tiramisu. The last time she made it, it was drenched in liquor, but I'm guessing she left that out this time because I'm with child and liquor is bad for the baby. The dessert was delicious! Afterwards we sat around looking at old baby pictures and home videos of Eli when he was just a little boy. The funniest video was when his dad was testing the camera and didn't realize it was recording, Eli just came by naked on a skateboard through the house, but the carpet snagged the wheels and it threw him flying into the air, ass first. He was turning red but I couldn't help it. This was funny stuff.

When the walk down memory lane was done I bid my mother and Eli's parents goodbye. Eli and I got into Morty and I looked over at him. He was still embarrassed. I pinched his cheek and I scooted closer to him while he drove us back to the condo. As soon as we walked through the door he got two cokes from the fridge and he sat them on the coffee table. The look on his face was serious.

"Clare?"

"Eli, what is it? You are scaring me…"

"We need to talk."

"Are you dumping me?"

"Clare you're not a stupid woman but that was a stupid idea… get with the program please."

"Oh, okay… Well what is it?"

"We are having a baby…What are we going to do?"

"Oh thank god you bought this up."

"Well I figured the child was going to be retiring from its job before you bought it up… Do you want to get married?"

"Well I haven't really thought about it. I don't want you to feel pressured."

"Clare, you know I've wanted to marry you for the longest. Why didn't I think to get you pregnant earlier?"

"Eli!"

"What? Sorry…"

"What are we going to do Eli?"

"Well I want to get married, you don't know and we have two houses."

"Well…maybe we should think about this."

"We have to think about this. We have to make a decision… Clare, playtime is over."

"No, not playtime!"

"Yes…"

"Won't being married be different?"

"Clare you practically live here now."

"I know but if we got married I would live here for real…"

"I don't have a problem with that."

"You would once you saw me every time you opened the door. Me with my baby fat and stretch marks."

"Clare stop it, you are being ridiculous… I have a solution. I was watching Sex in the City II an…"

"You were watching Sex in the City II?"

"That's beside the point. As far as houses go… We could keep this loft and your house. We could live in one, and use the other for like a little get away house."

"I like your idea… You really want to marry me don't you? Me with all my problems, issues and imperfections."

"Clare I'm going to hit you if you don't quit, okay, I won't really hit you but the point is that I love you Clare Edwards."

"We will be taking away Alli and Drew's thunder…. She's going to kill me."

"So that's a yes!"

"Yes…"

Eli jumped up and hugged me. He even spun me around a few times before kissing me and sitting me securely on the couch. After that he went to a place in the wall. He pressed it and it popped open, revealing a combination safe. Wow, talk about secrets in these walls.

He opened the safe and got out a little black velvet box. He opened it and I saw it was the same ring he proposed to me with almost six years ago. I didn't think I would be so emotional but I started to cry.

"Clare, you already know what I'm about to ask you."

"Save your breath…yes."

He slipped the ring on my finger and I hugged him and kissed him over and over again. Then we put on some music and danced the night away. Can you believe he still has all of his old dead hand Cd's?

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	17. Chapter 17

Eli

The crowd was roaring for me. New York City is always a charming place to perform. I mentally readied myself for the show I was about to put on but before I went onstage I had to talk to Clare.

"Hello? Aren't you supposed to be on stage?"

"Yes, but I wanted to check on my main girl."

"I'm fine, the baby is fluttering like crazy but I'm fine."

"Hopefully I will be home tomorrow."

"I just got home an hour ago."

"I know… the guy at the front desk told me."

"So I was ratted out by Horace huh?"

"Well, I better go… I love you Clare."

"I love you too Eli."

I went out on the stage and the performance started. It was fun like it always is. The crowd was lively and they were singing along. People were trying to get closer to the stage, like it is at all concerts. It was your average show but then something went wrong… Completely wrong. The sound of broken glass and profanity started to drown out my singing and instruments. The music stopped and then shots were fired… Everyone on the stage dropped to the ground and when we had the chance we tried exiting, I went last, making sure my backup singers got out. Then in an instant I got a feeling of intense pain in my back. I dropped to my knees… The last thing I remember is people crowding around me asking for help.

Clare

I wonder what I will cook tomorrow night when Eli comes home. I would say chicken, but if I eat anymore then I will grow feathers and start clucking… Maybe fish…no pregnant women can't have fish… Beef it is then. I called him; his show should be over by now. That's funny, I didn't get an answer and I always get an answer from Eli.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door. It was Adam. His eyes were bloodshot and he looked disoriented. He's obviously been crying… I let him in and I tried to comfort him. He must be upset about his mom again.

"Adam what's the matter?"

"You haven't heard? It's all over the news and everywhere."

"No…What?"

He flipped on the television and there it was. **Famous rock singer "Eli" shot tonight as a result of riot at concert…** I couldn't believe what I was hearing. This couldn't be true. Eli didn't get shot. I looked at Adam and Adam looked at me…

"How bad is it?"

"They don't know yet."

"How come nobody told me?"

"We thought you knew…"

"Where is he now?"

"He was airlifted to Canada… he's in the hospital around the corner."

"So close and so far away."

"I'm on my way there now."

"Could I catch a ride?"

"Sure."

I put on shoes and I grabbed my coat and purse. I turned off the lights and I locked up Eli's loft… The loft he may never set foot in again. Adam and I got to the hospital. We had to fight our way through a hoard of fans with teddy bears, candles, posters and flowers… When we got to the ICU waiting room it was a waiting came. We sat beside Mr. and Mrs. Goldsworthy. She and I already had a good relationship but tonight we bonded even more by tears. Mr. Goldsworthy wasn't crying but I could tell he had been. He was probably at work, doing the radio show when they told him… If he didn't report the story himself. Eli has to make it through this… he promised he wouldn't leave… He promised! Finally after waiting for hours the doctor came out to give up the news.

"Eli's bullet went in through the back, luckily it missed his spinal cord and his nerves but it did shatter one of his ribs and then the bullet lodged itself in Eli's small intestines. I have good news and other news. The good news is that we got the bullet out…and it was still whole. The other news is that his rib not only shattered but little pieces of it broke off and traveled… By the time we located them they'd punctured his lung… We were able to fix that and his small intestines but his body is in distress… Right now we are trying to stabilize his heart rate. Nothing is clear or set in stone at this point…. Visiting hour starts in an hour. You can come and see him then. He's awake but heavily sedated."

"Thank you."

I fiddled with the ring he gave me. How did things go so wrong so fast? We had plans… We finally decided that we would live at his place and vacation in mine. We set a date for the wedding that wouldn't interfere with Alli and Drew's and we were going to start taking parenting classes next week. We had plans… we were making a life together. How could somebody just come along and possibly take his away? Cece saw that I was getting upset again… She told me to take a walk and so I did. Adam joined me. We went into the hall and we looked out the window. There were even more fans out there now. The police were there in case things got crazy. I looked up at the muted television and saw that they were telling Eli's story. Apparently during his concert a fight broke out between an officer and a fan who was attempting to climb over the rail separating the front of the stage and the audience… the man got violent with the officer. There was pushing and shoving, including pushing and shoving of people not originally involved. That anger spread and created a riot. People started breaking bottles and the officers felt threatened so they pulled their weapons but the angry fans wrestled them for the guns firing several random shots in the struggle… One of those random bullets hit Eli. Stupid bullet…

I watched the fans out there. Most of them were crying and hugging. They didn't look violent to me. They looked like a community. The candles were glowing bright and the pile of flowers was so big I could see it from here… That and the posters. Not only that but they came clad in his back packs, bandanas and tee shirts… They were here for him. Then is dawned on me that Eli does more than sing, he must speak to people's spirits through his music. They wouldn't be out here in the cold just because they liked his songs… They are all here because he impacted them in some way. There were some teen girls but mostly adults…women and men.

Visiting hour finally arrived. Cece and Bullfrog went in first. They both came out dabbing tears. Next it was time for Adam and me to go in. I can't bear to see Eli hooked up to all those cords and wires. He wasn't awake right now. I guess the pain medicine put him out. I grabbed his hand and I rubbed it. I kissed his cheek. It was cold and clammy. There was a breathing tube down his throat and several IV drips hooked up to him. This can't be the last way I see Eli. It just can't. I talked to him as if he could hear me.

"I'm so worried about you… You have to make it Eli… you promised you wouldn't leave me again… You promised me that. We have so many plans to act out. I love you so much please…just don't leave me…"

I started sobbing so I left the room… When Adam came out his eyes were bloodshot too. Visiting hour wouldn't come around again until noon the next day. So everyone went home until then. Adam dropped me back off at the loft. I lay in bed crying while wearing Eli's hoodie. I was suddenly chilly, even with the comforter on the bed covering me… It smelled just like Eli. He has to make it through this. I couldn't take it if he died. I couldn't handle that. I'd never love again.

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	18. Chapter 18

Clare

"Clare."

"Eli? Are you in more pain, do you want me to buzz the nurse?"

"Yes and no… I need a favor."

"What is it?"

"Are my fans still outside?"

"Of course."

"Tell them to go home."

"How…"

"Get on the hospital's bridge where they can see you… Adam is getting a microphone."

"Okay…Anything else?"

"Well…If you gave me what I wanted they'd kick me out of the hospital and I sort of need these tubes to drain this fluid and crap out of me…"

"On your sickbed and you are still a horny goat."

"I am who I am… When can I get out of this place?"

"When you are better… Now hush talking you might strain yourself."

"From talking? My lungs need to exercise."

"Your lungs need some rest…"

"I've been here five days… Two of them I spent with a breathing tube down my throat… my lungs had a nice break now it's back to work."

"Eli, I love you… now shut up and watch SpongeBob."

"Yes ma'am."

Adam arrived with the microphones and then it was time to tell the fans to go home. Instead of going on the hospital's bridge we stood right in front of them… Adam and I argued over who would go first, finally we decided to thumb wrestle… I lost so I had to speak first.

"Hi everybody… Eli is getting much better. Thanks for your support and prayers and gifts… He just asked me an hour ago to come out here and ask you all to leave. It's not because he doesn't want you here, he just wouldn't feel right if the most awesome fans in the world caught pneumonia and were bed ridden… He says thank you. He also says sign this roster with your name and number because when he's better he will put on a show for you all…"

"Cool…"

"Awesome."

"Hey wait, who are you and what about the teddy bears and stuff?"

"Well everyone, this is Clare and as for the stuffed animals…Would you guys be offended if they were donated to the children's ward of the hospital? They need a teddy to hug more than Eli does."

"That's a totally cool idea… Can you tell Eli that Stacy from Memphis says hi?"

"I will relay the message."

They finished signing the list and asking a few more questions about Eli before the crowd disbursed. Adam and I loaded up the teddy bears, with the help of a few male nurses. We took them to the children's ward… Those kids looked happy to be receiving a new stuffed friend… All but one bear was given away. I kept it for myself because it was an actual Eli beanie baby… I didn't know they even made these. I couldn't give it away.

I went back into the room and Eli had gone to sleep. I like the fact that he's in a regular room now. That means that he's not knocking on death's door and that there are no restrictions on visiting hours… Cece was sitting in a chair in the corner knitting. I sat in the chair beside Eli's bed… Adam came in a few minutes later with a hamburger and fries. Eli's eyes popped open.

"Lunch?"

"That was weird… no Eli, that's Adam's lunch. You know you have to eat hospital food."

"No, I want real food."

"That is real food."

"I want cow meat."

"I understand that but…"

"Cow meat and French fried potatoes."

"Cece could you help me out?"

"No use… he's gets that way over food. I remember one time when he was three, he wanted chicken nuggets so he said that he wanted the rounded breasts of chickens with the sliced meat of apples… He gets weird without his regular food."

"Wow."

"Yeah wow is right. He was at school when this happened. His teacher called us in and we tried to keep from laughing but it was damn near impossible… Bullfrog and I have had some crazy times with this one."

"Junk food! Junk food! Junk food!"

"Eli calm down… I will go to Lick's and get you a burger with fries…"

"Coke too!"

"Coke too geez, don't get your panties all in a bunch."

Eli

Thank god, my cave man tactic convinced Clare to go out and get me a burger. I'm dying here. If I have to eat one more cup of jello or tapioca pudding I'm going to scream, and if I have to eat another plate of mystery meat and unsalted mashed potatoes I'm going to go postal. I'm in excellent health… It's not like I'm in this place because I had a heart attack or anything. Adam sat in the chair beside me bed.

"Dude, how are Heather and Fiona?"

"There are fine. They came to see you earlier but you were knocked out because of that sweet ass dope they give people here… Oops I cursed… Sorry Cece."

"Adam I've been known to curse like a sailor at times. No apology necessary."

"You don't have to stay. I know you probably want to spend some time with them."

"Are you kidding? Fiona has been taking Heather to fashion shows galore. They are bonding. She understands that I had to check on my best bud."

"Dude I'm touched. That is the last time I'm hiring that security team."

"Yeah they did a pretty shitty job. Are you suing?"

"No. What's done is done. I'm just glad I'm alive. I don't really know if I was ever really projected to die but when I heard Clare crying over me that night I knew if I did die then she would kill me."

"Everyone was really upset."

"Yeah baby boy… You even had Bullfrog shedding tears and you know how salt water from the eyes creeps him out."

"Thanks for caring so much. This does have its advantages though…"

"What?"

"We will have to wait to move Clare out… I want her to move in but she has a lot of stuff and she wants to decorate… You know I'm lazy when it comes to stuff like that."

"You sure sound like it."

I drifted off to sleep again. I didn't realize how stressful being hospitalized could be on the body. I feel tired constantly. When I woke up again Clare was handing my mom a burger with fries and a drink… She had a burger with fries and a drink…. Where was mine?

"Did you forget about me?"

"No I didn't… here is your food Ms. Goldsworthy. It's still hot and the coke is extra... fizzy today."

"Just how I like it. Thanks Clare, I will pay you back I swear."

"No need… I sort of had to repay you back anyway."

"For what?"

"Well…."

"Clare? Hurry I'm feeling faint. What happened?"

"I accidentally killed your fish."

"What? Mr. Golden…"

"In my defense it wasn't all my fault. See I was cleaning his tank because his water looked a little murky and when I took him out of the murkiness and put him in the clean water… He died of a heart attack. He was morbidly obese so I shouldn't be surprise that the fish died of a heart attack."

"He was not obese; just… there was a lot of him to love."

"Face it Eli, the fish could put away the fish flakes… He was eating good in the neighborhood and it caught up to him."

"Murderer."

"In denial... Eat."

I raised myself up in the bed and I ate the burger and fries I've been craving since the first time I laid eyes on the food in this place. After I finished my meal I felt a million times better. The food was apparently good for my soul, so that makes it good for the body too right?

Clare

My wonderful silly man. What would I have ever done if I were to lose him? What kind of shape would I be in if I'd still been denying myself happiness? I sat at Eli's side and we played tic tac toe until he fell asleep with the pen in his hand. I put the pen on the table beside his bed and I lowered his bed. I relieved Adam and Cece to go home. She has been here just as long as me and she looks tired. Heather and Fiona will probably want to see Adam. I went to the loft and showered. I changed clothes and grabbed a blanket. I came back and spent the night with Eli on the let out couch the hospital has.

He woke up around eleven coughing violently. I got him some water and that helped a little. Finally the choking eased up and he was stable again. It's funny because after that dramatic awakening he wanted to finish the tic tac toe game we were playing before he dozed off… The truly crazy part about this is that he won.

**Thanks for reading, please leave a review =)**


	19. Chapter 19

Eli

Finally, I'm busting out of this place. It's been four weeks and I'm all healed up… I will admit it though, I think they kept me longer than they'd usually keep anybody else… The nurses seemed to enjoy sponging me down. I'm just glad to be getting home with Clare. She got Drew and Adam to help her move some of her things to my place… She also got them to help with the décor. I can't wait to see what they've done with the place.

Clare was pulling the car around. A nurse was rolling me out on a wheelchair. I'd rather walk but she insisted that it was hospital policy. I realized that Clare had driven Morty here. It's not that I mind but… It goes against the grain seeing her behind his wheel considering how she almost drove him off a cliff when I was giving her driving lessons.

"Well well well, look at you driving my Morty."

"Don't worry; this is my first time driving him… I figured you'd want to see him. He's missed you."

"Has he now?"

I got into the car and buckled my seatbelt. Clare's driving has always made me want to piss my pants. Let's hope it's a little better… I found out when she took off that it hadn't improved that much. She drives like a bat out of hell. Maybe it just seems that way because it's Morty she's driving. She pulled into the coded garage and then we got out. I motioned for the keys and she handed them over reluctantly.

"Clare… I love you…You know that right?"

"Yes."

"But you drive like a bat out of hell."

"I knew you'd say that."

"So, what changes can I expect?"

"Wait and see silly!"

We got to my apartment and she opened it. Our family and friends all shouted surprise. There was a banner, a cake, good smelling food…. This must be a welcome home party for me. I'm surprised… This place looks the same also with the addition of pictures on the walls, some scented candles and random vases of flowers. It now looks like a girl lives here.

I thanked everyone for the party and it officially started. Since I am the guest of honor I got first dibs on the food and the cake. This might sound sappy, but it made me feel loved to have this many people get together and celebrate me still being alive and healthy. After everyone had their bellies full I clanged my glass and I made a toast to them. The party continued with some old movies and music. Today was a great day.

Clare

I think my driving and the party gave Eli enough excitement to last a lifetime. When the guests started to leave I started cleaning up. Luckily there wasn't much mess. I just threw away the paper plates and cups. The cake and food was mostly gone and in disposable dishes. Good job everyone. Eli was sitting on the couch looking at the latest ultrasound picture. I went and sat beside him.

"I made it to the second trimester."

"So I see…"

Suddenly I got emotional. Maybe it was my stupid hormones acting out, or maybe it was just me getting caught up in the moment. Either way, the tears came and I latched onto Eli. He hugged me back and ran his fingers through my hair.

"Why are you crying?"

"Because I'm glad you are home."

"Oh okay."

"Oh my god, I can't believe that just happened. I feel like such a weirdo."

"Clare you aren't a weirdo. I'm glad to be home with you and the baby."

"Well actually… that ultrasound isn't one hundred percent right… They had to do two because on that one the other baby was hiding."

"Other baby… We are having twins?"

"Yes. It's looking like a boy and a girl."

"Holy shit."

"I know. I'm already getting huge."

He rubbed my baby bump and he kissed me on the lips. We sat on the couch embracing and the looking at the picture of our two little munchkins. After wards we showered and turned into bed. Making love will have to come another night.

The next morning I got up and Eli was in his third bedroom taking things off of the walls. His awards and posters. I walked in and sat down on the futon. He looked back at me and he smiled.

"What are you doing?"

"Moving this stuff."

"Why?"

"For the babies."

"Oh. Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Where will you put it?"

"In the workout room."

"Oh, okay…"

"Any colors in mind?"

"Well I said yellow, but when Fiona got a hold of the room she started saying colors I didn't even know where on the chart… I think I will just stick with yellow. It's said to make people happy."

"Can't go wrong with happiness."

"Yeah… Are you okay?"

"What do you mean?"

"You were shot…"

"Oh you are asking if all my beans are still in the pot. Yeah I'm okay… I know they didn't mean to shoot me."

"Oh…"

"Plus that gives me an excuse to get more tattoos to cover up these nasty ass scars when they heal all the way."

"So I start my book tour in two days."

"I know… I start touring too."

"Eli, you can't possibly tour. You just got out of the hospital."

"It's just traveling and stuff…"

"Eli."

"Don't look at me with those big blue eyes like that… I will be fine."

"Eli you make me want to cry."

"Please don't. I will… do all my shows sitting on a stool."

"Promise?"

"I swear."

"That's not good enough. Pinky swear."

"Okay, I pinky swear."

I feel like I might have won this one small battle. I helped Eli move his awards and plaques from the room that would soon be the twins' room, to the workout room. Now it's more of a workout/ lounge room. Before he got shot he had the hot tub taken out. I guess that will be a good thing with babies in the house. We mounded the platinum and gold records on the walls and placed his trophies and awards on a shelf. We then spent the rest of the day watching baby stuff.

Eli

So, it's time to go on tour. Clare and I kissed and then my agent pulled me through one gate, while her agent pulled her through another. We were on two different tours. In some cities we would be able to see each other, but not for very long. At least it's a brief tour. Only two months. A different city every night for me and a new bookstore everyday for her.

The first place I played was LA. Security was super tight and this time, no guns. At least not ones with real bullets. Luckily nothing went haywire and everything was like a concert is supposed to be. Fun, smooth and entertaining. They sang along and cheered even though I was sitting on a stool the entire time. After the show I called my Clare.

"Hello?"

"Hi."

"Hey you… How was the show? Did you sit down?"

"Yes I did and the show went well. How was your book signing today?"

"Not so well… Well mostly well but this really irate guy came in and told me my books give women false hope. He dashed scalding hot coffee on me."

"What! Did they get his name? I will kill that guy!"

"They got him. He's in jail and I'm not burned or anything. I mean my skin feels really irritated where the coffee hit but I'm okay… If it makes you feel any better I hit him over the head with my book a few times. The hardback copy."

"No it doesn't make me feel better. I'm really pissed off this happened to you."

"Eli, I'm okay…We are okay."

"Well…if you say so. Be careful okay?"

"I will… You be careful too, please? Don't overdo it either."

"Gotcha. I love you."

"I love you too."

I got off the phone fuming that some maniac would do that to my Clare. If I ever find out his name well… you don't want to know what will happen if I ever find out this poor bastard's name. Tomorrow I go back to New York. Not to do a show though, just to be on the Wendy Williams Show.

I went back to the hotel and I got some rest. The next morning I hopped a plane to the big apple once again. I got to Wendy's studio and got all done up. I've watched this show a couple of times and I must say that I kind of like it. I sat backstage eating donuts and drinking milk until it was my time to be interviewed. When I went out the crowd cheered and the theme music played.

"Hi Eli, so this is your first time coming to the show… How are you sweetheart? You got shot!"

"Yes I did get shot, actually the last time I was in New York but I'm doing fine now by the grace of god."

"Wow, so let's get down to business, you have neither confirmed nor denied but in hot topics today we were discussing the pregnancy rumors with you and bestselling author Clare Edwards, as a matter of a fact… We have Clare here so send her out."

The sent Clare out and she looked surprised to see me. She hugged and greeted Wendy too. She sat on the couch beside me and I kissed her cheek. Everybody awed and Clare blushed… Wendy raised a brow.

"So Clare and Eli, you have everyone going crazy. Are you two pregnant or not?"

"Well Wendy I am pregnant."

"So how long have you two been dating?"

"Well, she was my girlfriend in high school up until we were twenty and twenty one… and then we broke up for five years and we just got back together this summer."

"That's such a sweet story! High school love. What kind of student was he Clare?"

"He was crazy and wild to that point that I was half crazy… Like he almost got stabbed."

"What!"

"Yeah he did…he was also very sweet and he helped me through a personal tragedy I was going through.… My parents were divorcing and I thought my world was ending but he was there."

"Yeah and Clare was mean…."

"I was not!"

"She was mean to me…No but I liked the fact that she wasn't scared of me. I was really deep into the whole dark emo look with the eyeliner and two of my nails colored in with a permanent marker… Plus I drove a hearse which I still drive. She wasn't scared of me like most girls were… She would argue with me and she was pretty rough around the edges."

"Aww this is like a fairy tale. So what's going on in your careers?"

"Well, I'm currently on a book tour but please… no coffee!"

"Oh yeah I heard about that crazy guy. Are you okay?"

"Yes I'm fine."

"What about you Eli?"

"I'm on tour too. Come out and see the show. Clare made me promise to do it sitting on a stool the entire time but I assure you… you will still be entertained."

"Good job Clare, keeping him from doing too much. Well you two I'm afraid we are out of time… thanks for coming to the show…Eli and Clare everybody!"

So that interview went well. During commercial break we talked to Wendy a big and then we went backstage. Clare and I hugged and kissed. She showed me where the coffee hit. The skin was red but it wasn't blistering so that is a good thing. I still want to kill that guy. We had enough time to go and get lunch. Of course, with her being pregnant the place she wanted to go was the restaurant where they fry everything. We had fish and chips and then for dessert I had a fried snicker bar and she had a friend Twinkie. It was heaven. I'm going to get fat.

After lunch we kissed each other goodbye and then went away in two separate cabs to our two different appointments. I was going to visit kids at a children's hospital and she was going to a high school to talk about the importance of reading.

**Thanks for reading, please leave a review**


	20. Chapter 20

Clare

Two months have gone by already and now I'm stepping back into my new home… Eli's loft! I walked in. The scent of the potpourri gave my nostrils a big hello. Eli wasn't due in until tomorrow. That is plenty of time to get myself together.

I lay out on the huge couch and I started answering fan emails and doing email interviews with some blogs and book websites. I feel really connected to the readers through things like this. That might sound cliché, but I do.

After answering fan mail I took a little nap. When I woke up I got showered and changed into something comfy. I went to the grocery store. I got some stuff to cook as well as some major junk food. The twins seem to respond to chips and cookies more than spinach and other veggies. Maybe I am just spoiling them… maybe I am just spoiling myself.

While I was coming out of the grocery store some guy walked over to me. I knew that this could only spell trouble. He had a knife in his hand. I stopped dead in my tracks. I'm getting robbed, right out here…Robbed!

"Give me your money bitch!"

"Please sir, I don't have any on me at the moment!"

"Well hand over that fancy ass rock! Lying whore! I saw you and your little boyfriend on TV."

"I have one hundred dollars on me."

"Hand it over… Credit cards too!"

"Sir please, I'm trying!"

"I said hurry up!"

Before I could get my wallet out the parking lot security was running towards the man. He didn't look completely sane and I soon found out that he wasn't when he slit my wrist. I grabbed it. Blood was dripping down my arm and hands. The security guard put the guy in cuffs and threw him in the back of the cruiser. He called an ambulance for me and he applied pressure to my bleeding wrist. The only thing I could think about was my babies. What if my blood loss makes them run out of air or something?

An ambulance finally arrived. They worked with me on the way and my blood started to clot. They stitched and wrapped the cut. It had stopped bleeding badly, but because of all the bleeding it done earlier I had to get a transfusion. Luckily my body accepted the blood. The doctor checked my babies and they were just fine. They were still kicking with their hearts beating strong. Do I tell Eli this or not?"

Eli

I got to the loft. Surprisingly nothing was cooking and Clare wasn't in front of the TV. I went into the bedroom to see her, fully showing and taking a nap. I noticed something off, wrong and alarming though. Clare's wrist was wrapped up and bandaged. What the hell happened?

"Clare…"

"Eli? When did you get home?"

"Just now, what happened?"

"What?"

"To your hand…"

"I um, got mugged last night. Well almost. The guy slit my wrist but it wasn't too bad so they let me go after the transfusion."

"Clare what the hell! When were you going to tell me this?"

"Never, because I knew you would react this way."

"Of course I'm going to react this way. You are the love of my life that is also carrying the lives of our children inside you right now."

"I know. I'm sorry for not filling you in but I didn't want you to be upset and worried about me."

"Clare, from now on let me know things like this. Did they at least catch the guy?"

"Yes. He was just some homeless junkie."

"Oh, that doesn't really make it better."

"I know."

I wrapped my arms around Clare and when our embrace broke I placed my hands on her huge globe-like belly. I felt one of the two little people inside her kick while the other moved. This feels weird against my hand and it looks even more bizarre but it's beautiful nonetheless.

**This is short I know… I'm sorry =) Thanks for reading though, and please leave a review?**


	21. Chapter 21

Clare

"Just get out and leave you stupid idiot! Don't let me see your face around here again!"

"Oh you'll see me alright you will see me in court if you want to act this way!"

"In court for what?"

"I want custody!"

"You'll get nothing!"

This is the worst argument I have ever had with Eli; it even beat the one where we broke up. I don't even know where this one came from… Ten minutes later I knew I'd made a terrible mistake. I've just been having the craziest mood swings lately. I've been picking fights with him and putting him on the couch to sleep. I'm a bad person! I called him up.

"What do you want?"

"I'm a bad person! I'm so sorry! I don't know what jumped into me! Please come back."

"Come to the door."

"Okay."

I opened the door and he was standing there with his bags in his hand. I pulled him into the pent and I fell into him. I started sobbing and he patted my head reassuringly. When I'd done enough crying I plopped down on the sofa and pouted.

"I'm so crazy right now Eli. You should just leave…like you were going to."

"I wasn't going to leave Clare. I only argued back with you because it was fun to pretend like I was fed up. I know you are crazy but you can't help it."

"You aren't mad that I put you out?"

"No, it's the third time this week Clare, I'm used to it… Before you have these babies I'll probably be kicked to the curb a million more times. Now come on crazy, I will cook you a bacon sandwich."

"Okay."

I went to the bathroom for the millionth time today. These hyper babies seem to think my bladder is a trampoline. I guess I probably would too if I were in a nice cushy womb. I finished up and I washed my hands. While I was exiting the bathroom I walked by the mirror and I noticed that I was huge! The babies have already been weighed at four pounds each and I'm only seven months. I feel like a big blob… I mean I do the yoga for pregnant women but now I'm getting bored with it.

I went back into the kitchen where Eli was holding the sandwich with a know it all smile on his face. I grabbed the plate from his hands and got a coke from the fridge. The sandwich was great.

"So… I have some news."

"What?"

"I'm going on a mini tour…"

"What?"

"It's two weeks, three at the most."

"What if I go into labor?"

"Well hopefully you won't yet. They are still baking."

"Fine just go…"

"Clare…"

"I'm mood swinging again aren't I?"

"Yes…"

"Fine, go on your tour."

"No hard feelings?"

"None…"

"You know, if you were still allowed to fly I would take you with me."

"No you wouldn't."

"I would."

"Really?"

"Didn't I just say so?"

"Why are you getting smart with me?"

"I wasn't!"

"Now you are yelling at me!"

"I'm sorry Clare… I'm sorry baby."

"When do you leave?"

"Two days."

"Oh."

I sat down on the couch and the phone rang. I answered it, of course it was Alli. She called to discuss wedding plans with me. She and Drew were not going to get married until after the baby is born. Of course she's enlisted me to listen to her talk about color swatches and table cloth fabrics though Fiona would be better suited to help her make these decisions…

"So color scheme aside, how are you today… Oh my god! I had the most amazing fried pickles today."

"I'm fine, just a little…well I kicked Eli out again tonight."

"Oh yeah I kicked Drew out a week ago."

"So where is he staying?"

"With Adam and Fiona."

"What did he do?"

"That's the thing, I don't even remember."

"Yeah I can't remember why I kicked Eli out either… Of course I asked him back a few minutes later."

"Wait until you are nine months."

"Try being seven months pregnant with twins."

"Okay, you win. So what are you doing tomorrow?"

"Well, I'm going to spend it with Eli. He's going on tour."

"Again?"

"Just a mini one this time."

"Booo Eli!"

"Alli be nice, I think I made him feel bad. I just…want him here. What the hell is wrong with me? When did I become so clingy?"

"You are probably just mood swinging."

"Yeah I know…"

"Well hun, I'm up for a lunch date. Call me when you are available. I'm here."

"Okay. Goodbye."

"Goodbye."

Eli

I stepped out of the shower only to see Clare sitting on the toilet looking at me. Oh no, either she's mad or she's going to cry. I can't really tell which one it is at this point… Maybe I'm jumping the gun.

"Eli, I'm sorry I acted so immature and clingy a few minutes ago. Go on your tour and have fun, just be home in time to see the babies being born."

"Clare I will be home before your seventh month is up."

"You sure?"

"I plan on it."  
"I love you…

"And I love you crazy."

"So, what's on the agenda for tomorrow?"

"Anything you want to do."

"Can we…order some fried pickles and chicken tenders and watch movies?"

"Of course."

The rest of the night was pleasant. We read "what to expect when you are expecting"… I hope the information in this book comes in handy. I mean so far it's been weirdly interesting I guess. Afterwards we watched some television. You'd think we would do more exciting things but I don't think Clare is up for it. I wouldn't want her walking to much anyway, her feet are really swollen. Clare was struggling to take off her socks before getting into the bed. I helped her out and I slipped them off. I gave her a foot massage…

"Eli, you don't have to do that."

"I want to, just relax and enjoy."

"If you insist."

She ended up falling asleep. I lay beside her and watched her belly move while she slumbered. Those babies are really… active? It's a wonder they don't wake Clare up with all their kicking and moving. Every so often I will see a little foot go across her belly. If they are this jittery now imagine how they will be when they learn how to walk. Can you say destruction? I couldn't sleep so I decided to check in on Adam. Today would have been his mom's birthday.

"Sup dude?"

"Hey dude, how are you?"

"I'm good, got out my cry…don't really wanna talk about that. Heather just totally busted me in the head with the bottle though."

"Joys of fatherhood…"

"So, what's going on in Eli and Clare land?"

"Well I got put out again tonight."

"Really? How long did it take for you to be taken back in?"

"Ten minutes."

"Interesting. Don't feel bad. Drew got put out last week and Alli still hasn't let him come home."

"These mood swings are no fucking joke."

"I've heard horror stories. So did you break the tour news?"

"Yeah I did. She didn't take it well at first but now she's accepted it."

"Well that's great. Dude, I have to go…. Heather put that down!"

"Bye dude."

I guess I'm not the only one with a pass to the doghouse. Drew seems to have it rougher than I do. I could never be mad at Clare though, not even when she's kicking me out of my own loft. I love her…..I just love her.

**Thanks for reading, please leave a review =)**


	22. Chapter 22

Clare

I kissed Eli as he grabbed his suitcase and left our home. Stupid tour… I called up Alli and I made a date for lunch. She still had an open schedule like me. Lately I've been writing short stories for a compilation book. That's about it.

I put on a pair of paternity jeans and snow boots with a black long sleeved v-neck shirt. I grabbed my purse and I was out the door. Alli and I met at this restaurant famous for their fried foods. She was huge, but I was bigger. Who would ever think we'd be pregnant together?

"Oh my god Clare look at you!"

"Look at you!"

"We are so big!"

"We are totally huge!"

"Let's eat!"

We started having small talk. Mostly we chatted about our love lives, food and the joys of pregnancy. They bought out a salad as the appetizer. It was yummy… I wonder what they put in this vinaigrette dressing to sweeten it. While I tried to figure out the secret to the tasty dressing Alli dropped her fork and her napkin. She froze and she grabbed her belly. Suddenly she grabbed my hand.

"Clare."

"Alli, what's the matter?"

"This is it, it's time!"

"Oh my god!"

"Could you call…"

"Yes I will call everyone.

"Thanks…ahhhhh!"

"Excuse me can we get the check, this lady is in labor here!"

I managed to hail a cab and Alli and I got in. Drew seemed panicked over the phone and the doctor told us to come to the hospital. Mrs. Bhandari was going to be a while getting here considering that fact that she and Mr. Bhandari were vacationing in China.

Alli yelled her head off in the backseat of the cab. When we finally made it to the hospital the nurses had a wheelchair waiting for her. They found out how far apart her contractions were and they started rolling her back. From the sound of things she was almost ready to push. Drew ran into the hospital and he jogged straight past us. Alli called his name and he turned around quickly. He ran over to her and she accepted the cascade of kisses he was showering on her. He grabbed her hands and I decided to let them go back there alone. Most would probably think that I'd want to know what to expect in a few short months but honestly, I'd rather be surprised.

I went out in the waiting room but luckily I wasn't alone for long. Adam, Fiona and Heather arrived soon and I had entertainment. Heather became fixated on playing with my necklace and I couldn't resist kissing her chubby cheeks. Fiona had her dressed like a little miniature version of herself. They even had on the same shoes!

About an hour later Drew came out of the delivery room holding a little bundle of joy wrapped in a pink blanket. He was kissing her and looking down at her like… a dad. Everyone got up to go and look at the little baby. She was squirming and squinting. I guess that's just a newborn thing. She was so cute! I could already tell she was going to have Alli's thick black hair. She had Drew's eyes. She was adorable.

I spent a few hours at the hospital congratulating my best friend and her fiancé. The baby's name was Sarah. She was beautiful and Alli looked exhausted so I bid everyone goodbye and I went back to the loft.

Eli

"No Lucy I won't do it okay! I'm not going to cheat on my fiancé because I love her too much. She's pregnant with twins for goodness sake."

"Eli please, look you are the only guy who has ever seemed like he gave a shit. I've gotten myself together Eli I just really want a chance."

"Lucy I just can't."

"This is because of Clare for real huh?"

"Yes… Lucy, I'm in love with her. What you feel for me isn't love it's just… appreciation. I'm sorry."

"Okay."

Clare

I honestly do not think this food or this movie could get any better. After today's crazy day I needed some hot greasy goodness and a rom-com. Just as I was propping up my feet to get comfy the phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Clare Edwards?"

"Yes… May I ask who is speaking?"

"Yes, this is Lucy Henderson."

"Who?"

"Goosey Lucy."

"Oh… What is it?"

"You might want to watch Eli. He's on the road touring and… I'm no trustworthy source but I saw him practically having sex with some girl in the hall of his hotel."

"I don't believe you."  
"Believe what you want Clare but Eli is a rocker with a high sex drive. All the women want him. You are pregnant with twins and probably huge, probably no sex drive at all… now Eli is a nice man but he's still a man… Do I have to paint the picture for you?"

"Lucy please don't call here again."

"Fine, be in denial."

I hung up the phone and I tried to shake off what Goosey Lucy said. Eli wouldn't cheat on me would he? He loves me right? Something awful happened….. I started to think about the possibility of Eli cheating and it almost drove me crazy. I wanted to call him up but I didn't want to seem like a maniac. What she said just can't be true; too bad it could be true.

**Thanks for reading, please leave a review =)**


	23. Chapter 23

Clare

I was going crazy! I didn't want Eli to think I didn't trust him but I just couldn't get the thought of him doing it with someone else out of my head. He's been so wonderful through my pregnancy… A lot of women say they can't get enough sex while they are carrying a baby but I have had really low sex drive. Maybe the reason why Eli has been so understanding about me not being turned on is because he's getting his jollies from some other female.

I couldn't sleep. Naturally, like I do whenever I'm questioning something in me and Eli's relationship I called Adam. He will know what to say to soothe my worries and calm me down… As luck would have it, when I need him most I got the answering machine. That only means one thing…he and Fiona are getting it on. What is with everybody and doing that tonight? Shucks!

My imagination started to take over the situation. I started imagining what he could possibly be doing and my worrying and anxiety only got worse. I tossed and turned like there was no tomorrow, when in fact, tomorrow was already here in a small sense. The sun was starting to rise. Oh great, a sleepless night!

I went to the bathroom to pee and to try and clear my head. I looked in the medicine cabinet for some maternity approved sleep aids. There was nothing but there was a condom. Eli and I never use protection. What could he possibly need this for? What am I saying? We were both single for years before we got back together some months ago. This is no reason to jump to conclusions. I'm making up things in my head. That stupid Lucy slut. I think this is what she wanted… for me to be all upset.

I started to pace around. Now I'm tired but I know I won't be able to sleep. When I stepped into the kitchen I felt a sharp pain. In the book I read it said this is what contractions felt like! It hurt so bad that I didn't want to move but I had to do something. I called an ambulance.

Eli

I haven't been able to get much sleep. Lucy sort of went crazy last night and she came to my hotel drunk after I turned her down the first time. She banged on the door and threw glass at it. I could have stopped her myself but I didn't want her to be able to say I hit her or anything so I let the hotel security cart her to the police station. I'm tired. I've been up all night doing phone interviews and checking fan mail. I just realized that I forgot to call Clare and see how she is doing.

I dialed her up at the house and on her cell phone. There was no answer. I called the vacation house and there was no answer there. Where was Clare? I called Adam and he answered the phone, sounding rather groggy.

"Don't tell me you are in jail…"

"No, have you heard from Clare?"

"Not since the hospital last night."

"The hospital!"

"Alli had her baby."

"Oh."

"What's up?"

"I can't reach her. It's not like her to not pick up the phone."

"Would it make you feel better if I went over there?"

"Yes."

"Okay…You owe me big time because this bed is warm and the wind is cold!"

"I got you Adam."

I hung up with Adam and I waited for him to give me the update. I hope everything is okay with Clare. I hope everything is okay with the babies. I wanted to do this tour to create even more financial stability but now that I think about it, I probably should have stayed home with her. What if something happens to her? Not only that but I'm not looking forward to these groupies. I don't know how they get those backstage passes but they do, and I have to honor them. I just wish they would leave the passes for actual fans.

Ten minutes later the phone rang, it was Adam and he was calling from my house phone. He must be there. I hope everything is fine.

"Hello?"

"Dude, Clare is on her way to the hospital, the ambulance just carted her away I'm about to go now."

"Adam what happened!"

"She thinks she's in labor."

"What!"

"Just get here idiot and stop yelling."

It's like the cards were in favor of me because I got to the airport just in time to catch the flight that was currently boarding. I told my manager what was going on. He was going to pack up my things and cancel the show for tonight. I knew I should have stayed at home!

The flight seemed like it took days as opposed to hours. When I finally got to Canada and to the hospital I was like a raging bull. I was running past people in wheelchairs and patients with IV drips. I got to the desk and I asked for Clare.

"Clare Edwards please?"

"Oh I'm sorry… she's not with us anymore."

"She's dead? Clare! No!"

"Oh no, I mean she's gone home. She was only having Braxton hicks."

"Oh, oh thank god."

I went to the loft where Clare was sitting on the couch watching TV. Adam was frying up some burgers. Clare looked my way and waved. Wow, that was one cold shoulder move. I went and hugged her. I was so worried.

"Clare I'm so glad you are okay."

"Thanks."

"Are you okay?"

"Just Braxton hicks."

"No, I mean… you are acting strange."

"I got a call from Lucy last night."

"You did?"

"She said that… you were unfaithful."

"You believed her?"

"Not really… I just started thinking and we haven't had sex in a while because I haven't been in the mood… If I were you I'd probably cheat too."

"Clare I would never sleep around on you. You have to know that. You have to trust me on that."

"How can I when you are you and I'm me."

"Clare… What is this about?"

"I'm ugly, and I'm fat!"

"You are not Clare! You are so beautiful to me, don't you see that."

"But every day when you are away you probably go places where there are women more beautiful and shapelier than me and…"

"Clare, they don't matter to me! Only you matter! Gosh don't be stupid!"

"Don't call me stupid, dummy!"

"Well don't act like you don't know I love you and that I only have eyes for you!"

"Then why would Lucy call me?"

"Because, she came to me last night trying to get with me and I turned her down. She was pretty upset."

"Well, where is she now?"

"In jail in Seattle."

"Oh."

"Why?"

"I was going to go break a bottle over her head."

"Oh okay… Well she will probably be getting out soon and going back to LA. If wanted to do it then I could take you."

"You are such a bad influence."

"You know I would never let you do that right? I have a record, you don't need one."

"Rats."

Clare

After Adam left Eli and I talked. I wish he didn't have to go back tour but he does. I'm just going to miss him so much. This loft gets really lonely without the pitter patter of his heavy ass boots.

"So, I have to go back tomorrow night."

"Just go and leave me here all alone."

"Do you want to come along?"

"Me?"

"No Kitty from 4-D… Of course you Clare."

"Sure, I just have to get a note from my doctor to fly."

"Great. Start packing."

"Help!"

"Okay, tell me what you want to get and I will load it up."

We packed my suitcase, well actually Eli packed and I kind of bossed him around. I won't lie; I had more fun than you are supposed to doing that. I made an appointment at my doctor and luckily they were going to fit me in bright and early. By the time we were done packing it was time for bed and I was totally beat.

This is rare but Eli went to sleep before I did. I studied his body, his face… I started to feel motion in the ocean… I'm horny! I shook Eli and he jumped up. He looked on edge, like he was expecting me to be in labor.

"Clare, is everything okay?"

"I'm horny Eli!"

"Oh…okay."

He gave me that weird little smirk that he does when he thinks I'm being strange. I didn't have time to admire his smile though. I need action! I need Eli! I kissed him passionately and it took no time for him to get my drift and take over. He went to try and take off my gown. I had to stop him there. I can't let him see me looking this way.

"Wait."

"Clare, what's the matter?"

"Could we do this with my gown on?"

"No."

"Well can you turn out the lights again?"

"No, Clare you know I enjoy seeing the action."

"Well I'm scared you might not like the way I look right now."

"Clare, just take off your damn gown and panties before I rip them off."

"Okay okay!"

I cautiously slipped the gown and underwear off. He smirked at me and pulled me close to him… at least as close as my big belly would let us get. We kissed again for a while. He always has had this way of making my mind go blank with his kisses. When we were actually ready to get down to the sweet loving we realized that we had a dilemma. What position were we going to be in? Missionary was out… I could ride him if it didn't hurt him.

"Climb on top."

"I might hurt you."

"Clare, get on top."

"You are so bossy tonight."

"Well you need to be bossed around…now ride my dick."

"Well since you are being so blunt about things."

I climbed on top of Eli and glided his erection into me. I moved up and down. The bed started to squeak and the headboard started to beat as I got into a rhythm. Eli kept one hand on my hip and the other he used to palm my breast and run his thumb across my nipple. This is what my body needed, some sexual healing. I tightened my walls around Eli's shaft and I slowly moved up. His fingers dug into my hip. I giggled at his shocked facial expression and he slapped me on the ass. It felt like hours that we were at it until we came. I came first but Eli followed me a few seconds later. I rolled off of him onto my side of the bed.

I tried to get my nightgown to put back on but Eli wouldn't let me. I was forced to sleep in the nude but that wasn't so bad because Eli was naked too. I've forgotten how warm and fleshy body heat feels. He held me and we rocked as he hummed "Clare" in my ear until we both drifted off to sleep.

Eli

I grabbed Clare's bag and I put it in the cab. Now it's on to the hotel. I'm so glad she could come with me. I should have thought of this sooner. When we arrived at the hotel I got checked in while Clare chatted with my manager Cecil. He wasn't thrilled when I first told him she was going to be joining the tour, but he accepted it because he knew there would be no changing my mind. Now that he's met Clare they get along famously.

The hotel room had everything we asked for. The weights for my workout, the snicker bars for my enjoyment and all the pickles Clare can eat. She plopped down on the bed and rolled around on the comforter. I joined her.

"Feels like a cloud."

"It better for what I paid. How are you feeling?"

"I'm feeling good. Twins are still flipping and flopping."

"Wonderful. So, I have a show tonight. Wanna come? No pressure or anything, you could always go out and explore Memphis or something."

"Going to the concert sounds like a great idea. When is it?"

"Three hours which is why I have to get to sound checks. You can come now or you can go with Cecil. He always likes to have a bubble bath after the flight."

"Cecil has the right idea but… I want to see your process. Let's go!"

Things honestly could not get better right now. I'm back on the tour but I don't have to worry about missing Clare because she's here. Things are really swell right now. We went to the Fed ex Forum where the concert was being held. Sound checks went well as always. After the sound check I got dressed and I got my guitar. It was time to go on. I kissed Clare and rubbed her belly for luck and then I went out on stage and I put on one of the best shows I have ever done in my life.

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	24. Chapter 24

Clare

This past month a half on tour with Eli has been fun. We only have a few more cities to go until it's over and I only have a few more weeks until my due date. I thought I was huge before, but I'm stunned at the way I look now. I don't ever remember what my poor little feet look like.

Eli came off stage. He was all sweaty. It was dripping off of his body and his hair. He decided that it would be funny to hug me while he was all wet and nasty.

"Eli gross!"

"Clare just soak in the Eli water."

"Eli this is sick! You are sweaty and now I'm all covered in your sweat!"

"Don't you love it?"

"Get out of here."

Before he could completely walk away from me I grabbed his arm. Something didn't feel right. Water trickled down my legs and a sharp pain hit. My knees buckled a little but Eli held me up. This is it!

"Clare?"

"Oh my god I'm in labor!"

"She's in labor! Call a cab! Call an ambulance! Call the police!"

"Oh my god! This really hurts!"

"It's going to be okay!"

"Why did you do this to me?"

"I'm sorry!"

"Owww!"

"Oh my god! Help!"

Eli was freaking out more than I was. There was an ambulance already on the premises for the concert. They loaded me into it and Eli jumped in the back. I practiced some breathing, which didn't help, and Eli held my hand. I wanted to cry every time a contraction hit and they just kept getting worse and more frequent. When I got to the hospital Eli was still panicking. The doctor checked me.

"Well you will be having a quick birth. You should be ready to push in an hour or so."

Oh good. This will be over soon! Lucky for me the babies were in the downward position and not breech. I was going to deliver them vaginally. This is going to hurt, especially since I don't have any drugs running through me.

The hour passed by slowly. Time always goes extra slow when you are in an excruciating amount of pain. I thought I was going to pass out… or throw up. I had to do something. It felt like I needed to push! The doctor checked me again and determined that I was ready. This is it… From this moment on I will be somebody's mom. I will have two lives to be in charge of aside from my own. I'm several pushes away from being a parent. I looked at Eli nervously. He kissed my cheek and grabbed my hand reassuringly. I put my legs in the stirrups. Then I pushed down as hard as I could. It felt like I was being torn in two! I didn't realize I was screaming until I had to stop to catch my breath. It took ten hard pushes before the first twin, my little boy, was born. He was angry and loud. I was trembling now. I pushed again; it took ten more pushes to bring my little girl into the world. She was just as angry and loud as her brother was, if not more so. They were beautiful and big! Both babies weighed ten pounds apiece. I can believe it with the weight I gained. Before they handed me the babies they delivered the afterbirth which hurt so bad it made me wonder if I was having another child… When I was all cleaned up they gave me the babies to me. They were all swaddled up. One in a pink blanket, the other in a blue. Eli looked down with tears in his eyes.

"So what do you want to name them?"

"For the boy I was thinking I would name him after his dad."

"Clare, are you sure you want him to be named after me?"

"Yes."

"Cool… Elijah Goldsworthy Jr."

"Okay, what will you be naming this little girl here?"

"Hope…"

"Hope… I like it."

"Hope Goldsworthy."

"Got it. Hey you are that singer right? My little sister was bragging about going to your concert tonight. She told me it went well."

"Tell her I say hello."

"Sure thing. Congratulations."

I studied the babies' faces. I didn't want to take my eyes off of them. They both had his dark hair with a streak of my blonde down the middle. Isn't that a weird trait to have? They were barely opening their eyes but when they did I could see that Jr. Had green eyes and Hope had blue eyes. I realized that I was hogging the babies. I passed them off to Eli carefully. He kissed them both and looked at them with a bit of fear and a smile on his face. We traded babies all night. I didn't want to put them down but I was tired so I had to. I'm a mom.

Eli

I have never witnessed anything more perfect in my life. They are both so perfect and beautiful. I looked at my son. He was squirming and scratching his face. Why do newborns do that? I got some of the little mittens in his bassinet and I put them on him. The hospital room was dark because Clare was sleeping. She needs the rest. She was amazing tonight. I picked the newborn boy up and I decided to have a talk with him. His sister was asleep so our heart to heart will come later.

"Hey little guy… You look a lot like me. Maybe I got on your mom's nerves a tad bit on purpose so that would happen… Just don't tell her okay. I'm not going to promise that I'll be a perfect dad. I won't even get close but I will try to be a good dad. You can come talk to me about anything no matter how embarrassing you think it is and no matter how much trouble you think you will be in. When the time is right I'll sit you down and tell you about girls, you'll find out that they aren't all that scary after all but don't let your sister know I'm letting you date because she'll be mad that you can and she's not allowed until she's thirty. Just know that I will never judge you when you make a mistake. The world will do enough of that for you. Oh yeah… Your mom might be a little spazzy at times but she loves you very much…almost as much as me."

"I heard that butthead!"

"You are supposed to be asleep!"

"I was but your heart to heart woke me up… She can't date until she's thirty? What fairy tale world is that in?"

"We'll discuss it later."

"Uh huh."

Jr went to sleep. I guess our little chat made him tired. I placed him back in the bassinet and I sat in the chair beside Clare's bed. I laid my head in her lap while she ran her fingers through my hair. Tonight has been great. There is just one thing I'm concerned about.

"Six weeks?"

"Six weeks Eli! No sex for six weeks."

"Why?"

"Because the doctor said so."

"But why?"

"Because of what just happened. Things need to rearrange themselves and heal up."

"Okay."

I kissed Clare on her cheek and we both went to sleep. I cannot believe that today I became a protector, a provider, a dad…

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	25. Chapter 25

Clare

"Eli! Uh uh! Hell no! You are not sticking me with them for a month while you go and tour! You have to take one!"

"Clare that is crazy! They are babies and they are twins. We can't just separate them like that!"

"Fine take them both! Just don't leave me alone with them!"

"Listen to yourself! You sound like they have knives in their hands or their fingers on a trigger."

"Maybe they do Eli! I can't be alone with them for that long."

"What happens if I die?"

"Shut up Eli! Just shut up! If you want to just walk out on us then go! We don't need you!"

"Clare you are just a horrible liar. You need me and I need you… I know you are tired."

"I missed my deadline Eli! I missed it and I don't even have half of the story written!"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"When do I see you? You leave to go to the studio and crap before I wake up and you don't come home until I'm asleep! You are always gone!"

"Well what do you want from me? I'm trying to make money...you know? Money! That shit that pays for their expensive ass organic baby foods and diapers and shit"

"Are you complaining?"

"No, never but Clare somebody has to be the breadwinner and I don't win bread unless I make music and appearances and go on tour."

"Fuck you Eli! Just…Fuck you! Get out of here."

"Clare…"

"Get away from me."

"If that's what you want."

I started to cry as Eli got his pillow and went to the recliner in the living room. He's never here. He's always out or working and I'm all by myself. The babies are always crying and there is always some task I have to do for them like…changing diapers or cleaning up the mess when they throw their baby food and it splatters everywhere. He's never here…now he really won't be here and it's not fair. I'm hardly me anymore. I'm fat and I've fallen behind on my work. Whenever I do get the chance to write one of the babies cries or needs attention…Sometimes they both cry and need attention at the same time. It would just really….be nice if he could help out every now and then. He picks them up and kisses them and he calls that parenting while I do all the hard stuff. It's not fair! Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I just packed my bags and left the babies here, in this loft while I went far far away… I'm a bad person for even thinking those thoughts but I can't help it! I don't even know who I am anymore…

Eli and I got married at the courthouse a week after the babies were born and things were a dream then. Now, I'm starting to wonder if that is a mistake. I had to put him out of the bed this early in the marriage and that's not a good sign. I feel like I'm pushing him away and I don't want to do that but I can't stop myself. Sometimes I feel like he will go on tour and he won't come back because he'll find happiness elsewhere. I can see it in his eyes; he loves me a little less every day. I'm just a fat nagging ghost of a woman and Eli knows that.

Eli

She doesn't understand anything! I'm trying to make things comfortable for us and all she can do is whine about how I'm never here. I offered to get her a nanny but she didn't want one… No she just wants to nag about my absence but she knew it would be this way before she signed up for it. She knew I'd have to be gone all the time and that my job would never end. She knew the facts but she put her name down on that paper so she was agreeing… I turned off the TV and I heard sobs coming from the bedroom. The sobs were hard… She's crying. I guess I have to fix this. No, I know I have to fix this. I don't want her to be mad at me. I just want her to see that I'm trying hard to keep up our lifestyle but I can't do that from this loft. I have to travel and I have to work long hours. I wish she could see that.

She does probably need a break though. I called my parents and asked them to watch the twins for a few weeks. My mother was overjoyed. Hopefully Clare will agree to the plan I've concocted. If she doesn't then things might get worse.

I knocked on the door and there was no answer so I opened it and Clare was in the corner, rocking and crying. I went to try and get her up and she pushed me away. I sat on the bed and she hid her face.

"Just go away!"

"Clare we really need to talk."

"That's a shock considering that fact that you never like talking to me anymore!"

"Clare, please?"

"Nobody is stopping you from bumping your gums."

"Are you going to listen?"

"Do I have a choice?"

"My mom wants the twins for a week or two."

"What?"

"She's taking the babies and you are coming with me."

"Why?"

"Because I asked her to. Clare look at you…crying in a corner. You need a break."

"I can't ask her to do that."

"You didn't I did and she agreed because she's been wanting them anyway. Clare we've only been married a couple months and we are already inches away from separating or divorcing. I don't want that for us… I love you and so we are going to save our marriage."

"Okay."

I helped pull Clare up from the floor and I hugged her. In such a short time it's like we've become strangers. One of the babies cried out, and the other followed, probably disturbed because the other was going off. I laid Clare on the bed and I covered her up before I went into the babies rooms. They were both mad and red. Their little arms and legs punched and kicked the air while they cried. It looked like their little heads would pop off like the tops of a shaken soda if they didn't stop soon. I managed to pick them both up but that didn't stop the crying so I put them back down and I changed both their diapers… The dramatics persisted. I tried feeding them but they both rejected the bottle of formula and the bottle of Clare's breast milk. I tried rocking them one by one, putting them in the baby swing, giving them gas medication and taking their temperature. Nothing worked!

"Look, nothing is wrong with you two so just shut up please?"

"Wahhhhhh!"

"Fine! Keep crying! See if I care!"

"Wahhh!"  
"I can't deal with this!"

I left the room and I went back into the bedroom. Clare had put on the silence blocking headphones I gave her in high school. She still has those? She was asleep on the bed. I owe her a big apology. Those babies are possessed and they need an exorcism. She's been dealing with all of that for months without me to help. I should put on a pointy hat that says "dunce" because I am an idiot. I kissed Clare on the cheek and then I done something I should have done a long time ago. I reached into her nightstand and I got those damn diet pills she's been taking. I flushed them down the crapper. So…there is more of Clare to love these days but she doesn't need these.

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	26. Chapter 26

Clare

"Why didn't we wait until June first?"

"Because you wanted to tie to knot."

"Oh...Yeah."

"I let the reservation go on the gardens."

"You did?"

"Yeah."

"Am I disgusting to you? Be honest."

"No. You had twins."

"Four months ago."

"Clare it's been four months not four years. Even if you never got back to your former size I wouldn't care. As long as I don't have to roll you around in a wheel barrel."

We both started laughing at the thought of that. This was the first laugh I have had in a while. I laughed so hard that my stomach began to cramp up and tears began to roll out of my eyes. When the laughing stopped I caught my breath.

"Clare why didn't you let me hire the nanny?"

"I don't know. I wanted to prove I could do it but I couldn't and I wanted your help…not anyone else's."

"Look. I'm done with recording so I'll be home a little more until the summer."

"Oh."

"Clare you have to talk to me. Tell me what is going on with you. Some nights I come home and your pillows are soaked with tears. Is it because of me or the babies or what?"

"It's everything. Sometimes I think about packing my bags and leaving them in the apartment… I'm a bad mom Eli!"

"No you aren't. You are a good mom. I'm a bad dad… Well I'm not much of a dad at all. I'm more of a sperm donor. I promise I will try to help more."

"Okay."

We lay in the small bunk of the tour bus and we talked. This is something we haven't done in a while. Lately we have been communicating through hand gestures and grunts. A little pre-historic, I know but that's what it's been. I miss talking to him. I hope it isn't only on this tour that we connect this way. Even though I've nagged him a lot lately I do miss him. I miss us being on the same team and not being two warring continents. It's like I've lost my best friend these past few months.

Eli

We arrived at the hotel. I grabbed our carry in bags and then we checked in. I left my crew to do their own thing. Once we got inside the hotel room Clare fell back on the bed and so did I. Lucky for me I didn't have a show tonight. She turned around on the bed and to put her back to me like she always does. I grabbed her waist and that's when I heard soft snores coming from her. She must be tired.

I went down to the hotel's bar to have a drink. I asked the bartender for a glass of bourbon. He handed it to me and then I got a phone call. Who else would it be but Adam?"

"Sup Adam?"

"Nothing dude. So how is the rekindling going?"

"Well she's asleep and I'm at the bar but we done some talking."

"And?"

"And I think things will start to get better for us."

"I'm glad to hear that. So your kids are totally adorable."

"You have them?"

"Yeah I picked them up from your mom's so that they can have a slumber party with Heather."

"Well how is it going?"

"Heather is fascinated by them. She's patting their faces like they are llamas in a petting zoo or something."

"Ha, that sounds like Heather. How are my two little bundles of joy?"

They are just fine. They are both cutting teeth on the bottom though."

"I didn't know that."

"Yeah I know… Want to talk to Jr? He just rolled over here."

"Sure."

"ABBBBBBAAAAPPPPHHHHH!"

"Yeah I totally understand what you mean. Daddy loves you too. Goodbye. Adam?"

"Dude he's so happy."

"I've never heard him so happy."

"Well it may have been the rum that your mom rubbed on his gums before Fi and I got them."

"Oh, he's drunk."

"Well dude, I have to go. Heather is trying to eat Fiona's new Prada shoes. Get rekindling!"

"Alright dude. Bye."

I hung up with Adam and I downed my bourbon then I got a refill…. More than four times. There was no sipping for me tonight, no sir! I chugged it and when I got up from the barstool I knew that I'd chugged it. I stumbled to the elevator and I went back to our floor. I struggled to get the card key into the little slot. Luckily Clare opened the door. She had on a silk robe. It looked like only underwear was underneath. The room was steamy and it smelled like her vanilla body wash. She looked at me with a frown but before she could form the words to say I kissed her and though I almost fell, I kicked the door shut. I pinned her to the wall, stabilizing myself that way. She was breathing heavy. Her swollen, milk filled breasts peaked out from the robe. I want her so bad I can't stand it.

"Eli, are you drunk?"

"Yes."

"Oh my god."

"Shhh…. Just shut up and let's do it!"

"Why come you get to be drunk and I can't?"

"Because while I was boozing…you were snoozing. You are so sexy right now."

Clare

He kissed my neck while releasing what sounded like tiny guttural growls. I held onto his belt loop in an attempt to keep him from tumbling to the ground. He's drunk and I'm a little jealous. We stumbled over the bed. He undone my silk robe and then he snatched it off my body. I was a little nervous for him to see my body but he smiled and I felt more at ease. I pulled him down on the bed and I attacked his neck. Not only did I plant some aggressive kisses on it but I also bit him a few times. He sucked air in through his teeth as my incisors made contact with his throat.

The foreplay was nice. The touching, the kissing and the nibbling got me all wired up for the moment. So wired up that I wanted to control it. I pushed Eli off of me and I mounted him. Sliding my anxious, waiting love onto his swollen manhood. We both let out low sighs. Our bodies fell into a rhythm. Eli squeezed my hips tightly and then he smacked me on the ass before he rose up and took control. He put one of my legs above my head while he held the other over his arm. I felt him deep. I called his name and he gave me a drunken, cocky smile. The only thing to be heard in the room before long was the sound of our skin slapping on contact and our sounds of ecstasy. Eli's pounding had scooted me up so my head was now hitting the headboard. We both laughed and he pulled me back down my legs. He leaned down; our bodies felt like we were melting into each other…. I gasped as the orgasm hit. It felt like there were a million butterflies that landed on me who were all fluttering at once or… like I was buzzing. My insides clenched around Eli's climaxing girth. We held onto each other like there was no tomorrow. I started to feel like that teenage girl, in that broke down apartment on that fucked up mattress… making love to the most amazing guy in the world.

After a few minutes of lying there together he made a mad dash to the bathroom. That is what he gets for drinking. He's going to be really hung over tomorrow and he has a show. At least I can torture him by talking loudly and turning on bright lights… He came back to bed after blowing chunks and brushing his teeth. I wrapped my arm and leg around him. He laughed and caressed my thigh. He turned around to face me and before he drifted off to sleep he whispered "goodnight pretty lady." I kissed his forehead…. For a moment I let myself forget that I was behind in my work and that my babies hated me. I just let myself live in the past and be that teenager…

"_Eli! You were looking at her butt! Don't try to deny it! Is that what you like? Is that what turns you on?"_

"_Clare no! I did look at her ass but that doesn't mean shit. Her ass could never compare to yours… Yours is so…big."_

"_You think I have a fat butt! I knew it!"_

"_Clare! Come back here please?"_

"_Why? So that you can call me Ms. Piggy some more?"_

"_No… So that I can do this."_

_He pulled me into a passionate kiss that took my breathe away. Sometimes I hate that he can do that…especially when I want to be mad at him. That damn kiss of death just makes it so hard to hold a grudge against him. I peered into his jungle green eyes and I saw a look of pleading in them. I folded and I let him hug me and sucker me into another kiss. What can I say? I just… love him._

_We hopped into Morty and we took off like always. We talked, we really talked. We have been arguing a lot lately and I will admit that I have been starting most of the altercations. I just feel like I'm losing him already. Everyone has been saying that once we are at the same University our relationship will crumble because he's been there for a year already and he probably has friend girls that will make me jealous…blah blah blah. I probably shouldn't let those old wives get to me but I can't help it. I gave Eli my… flower. Not that it's some binding force but I would like to know I made the right decision._

"_Clare, there is no reason to be insecure. I love you but ever since we had sex you've been acting strange."_

"_Like how?"_

"_You don't talk to me anymore and you pick fights. You kicked me in the shins."  
"I'm sorry."_

"_What's the matter?"_

"_When we get to university, you won't drop me just because I'm younger than you, right?"_

"_Who told you that?"_

"_Old ladies."_

"_You actually listened?"_

"_Eli… I need to know. I don't know what I would do if you broke my heart. I might be forced to do something drastic."_

"_We talking tattoo/ nipple ring drastic or…"_

"_Not that drastic. I might leave you an angry voicemail though."_

"_Ha, or kick me in the shins again."_

"_Be serious Eli. I'm… vulnerable with you. I need to be sure you're still going to be the guy I can be vulnerable with."_

"_Clare I am. I would never think of hurting you. I love you. If I break your heart then you can kick me in the shins again."_

"_Promise?"_

"_I promise."_

For these few weeks at least… I'm that girl again. That ball of pure emotion, that vulnerable, open creature. That _girl._

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	27. Chapter 27

Eli

It's been two months since I've laid eyes on my family. I miss them more than anyone could imagine right now. I'm especially eager to see my woman. The phone sex and video chats just aren't doing it for me anymore; I need to hold her in my arms. I stepped through the door of the apartment. She was lying on the floor while the twins crawled on her. I guess they were playing? I lifted up Hope and planted a kiss on her chubby little cheek. I noticed that not only does she now have bottom teeth, but she has some little ones at the top too now. I placed her back down on the floor for her to crawl around and I grabbed Jr. He's heavier than his sister. Clare got up from the ground and stood in line for her kiss. She had her hand on her hip and her brow raised. I put Jr down to play and I leaned in to give her a smack on the lips when she moved away.

"Eli, notice anything different about me?"

"You…changed your hair?"

"Eli!"

"Just kidding…you lost the weight."

"Yes. I'm nearly down to my high school size."

"Well as long as you feel good about you. I've missed you…you amazing and beautiful woman."

"I've missed you too. Now watch the kids while I finish dinner."

"Okay."

I lay on the floor and the babies crawled all over me. They pulled off my glasses and pinched my lips together. I was just some big toy to them. The entire event didn't go by without a big glob of drool falling in my eye thanks to my darling daughter though. What more could I expect? They are babies. My babies… they are some damn awesome babies!

I was tired but I played with them. After they were done turning me into a human carpet I had to chase them all over the loft. By the time they went down for a nap I thought I was going to pass out. Shit, these kids are hyper! I went in the kitchen to see Clare putting the filling for a lemon icebox pie into a graham cracker pie crust. I grabbed her by the waist and I kissed her cheek.

"You know we are having a family dinner."

"I know, but I forgot… I better take a nap while those two little tikes are down."

"They just missed their daddy, that's all. But yes, a wise person would take a nap."

"Come with me?"

"Dinner duty, remember? Don't worry… we will have our time. I've been reading Eli."

"Reading what?"

"Just reading…"

"So when do you leave for your tour?"

"Not for a month."

"Good…"

Clare

The pies were ready, the meat was done and the potatoes were mashed. Now I have to get myself all done up because everyone will be here in no time! I showered and I put on a pale pink dress with a white sweater and white ballet flats. I looked in the mirror at my new/old figure. I feel pretty. I went into the babies' room to see Eli struggling to get Hope dressed. I took over and I put her curly hair into a shrubby ponytail with a bow to match her little pink sundress. It's funny that Hope has my hair type, and Jr. has Eli's but they both have Eli's black tresses.

I got Jr. and Eli got Hope. We put them in the playpen in the living room and then as if on cue the first guest arrived. It was Fiona and Adam with baby Heather. They sat her in the playpen with the twins and the baby babbling began.

"Clare, you look amazing and the food smells good."

"Thanks Fiona, you look pretty too. I have to ask though; does Heather always have to dress like you?"

"What can I say? Like mother, like daughter."

"Touché."

We had girl talk and then more people started to arrive. My Mother, and then my in-laws arrived almost at the same time. I greeted them all and my mom and Cece swooned over the weight I'd lost. Next to join the party was Alli, Drew and baby Sarah. The baby joined the playpen party with the twins and heather. I noticed that Jr I the only boy…surrounded by women.

The guys were in the living room while the ladies were in the kitchen. Everyone was nice enough to help me set the food up. There is no dining room, only a small space with a table and a few chairs… Usually everyone just eats wherever they are content to eat. Tonight, that place was in the living room.

Everyone laughed and reminisced about happy times we had in the past. Adam bought up some of the wilder times of the past. Most of which involved Eli, him and me...with Morty and some type of nudity. I'm so glad my babies are too young to understand what Adam is saying and I'm glad that I'm too old to be grounded by my mother.

While the party went on Eli sat in the easy chair across from me. Every so often he would look over at me and give me a tiny, crooked grin. I couldn't resist blushing and flipping my hair. I guess even after all this time, he still has it. The rest of the night was great. Quality family time and a walk down memory lane is something you can never go wrong from. The ladies were nice enough to help me clean up after the occasion and then everyone bid me goodbye. Alli and Fiona winked at me. Probably because what they knew was going to go down later. The babbling of the babies left, well all but two.

I lifted Hope and Jr from the playpen. They are heavy together. I took them to the bathroom and I ran the water for them. I placed them in and gave them a good old fashioned scrub down with Johnson and Johnson's. This stuff really makes a baby smell like a baby. It was supposed to have aromatheraputic properties that soothe babies. Usually it doesn't but tonight they went down like somebody drugged them. I guess the company and baby gossip wore them out. I started putting them to bed and Eli snuck up behind me. He laid one baby down and I laid down the other. Then we switched up and kissed each baby goodnight. They sure can be little demons when they want to be but…right now they look like angels.

We left the babies' room and Eli fast walked me into ours. I didn't have time to protest or ask what he was doing. Before I knew it I was sitting on the bed and he was locking the bedroom door and putting out a knife. I got nervous. I thought… wait…what the fuck!

"Eli what the fuck are you doing!"

"I know how this looks Clare but I thought this would be more romantic."

"What murdering me? Are we Sid and Nancy now or something Eli geez?"

"No! I was going to push you in here and I planned to tell you to either take off the dress or have it cut off of your hot body… Things didn't work out."

"I'll say they didn't. Sorry?"

"No... It's okay. I should have thought the plan through better."

"Want to unzip me?"

"Yes."

He unzipped my dress and it fell to the ground. I stepped out of it and I turned around to see that Eli had lost the robe he was wearing. There was nothing underneath. I noticed that he had a fresh tattoo… Well, not so much new as replaced. He had "blue eyes" written on the space above the key he got to cover the other "blue eyes" tattoo.

"Eli! You…got another tattoo."

"Yes I did. I forgot that I was supposed to be surprising you with this. I felt naked without it."

I hugged Eli and I smacked him on the ass. He looked surprised for a minute and then he smacked me on the ass back. He unhooked my bra and it fell to the ground along with the panties I wiggled out of. I thought we'd go to the bed but he surprised me by picking me up and raking half the items on the dresser off before placing me on top. He glided inside me perfectly…like a key to a lock. I held onto the dresser to keep from sliding off as he pounded me mercilessly, delivering pleasure with each stroke. I arched my back and dug my nails into his perspiring skin as the orgasm approached me. When it finally arrived I moaned out and he placed a quick kiss on my lips. He kept going onto to cum a few minutes after me. He leaned on me and we caught our breath on the dresser. His hot breath against my exposed breasts was a turn on… maybe we will go for round two.

Eli

Clare was amazing! We didn't get any sleep last night because we were up all night having marital relations if you get my drift. She didn't lie when she said she'd been reading. I found out that she's recently taken a liking to Zane books and other heavily sexual books. I got tied up, whipped and doused with melted candle wax… but the blow job I got after the abuse was so mind boggling that I would gladly cover myself in hot candle wax to get it again. We didn't realize that we were making love all night until our last orgasm when we noticed that the sun was starting to rise and that the twins were up. We didn't get a wink of sleep but the lack of shut eye was well worth it.

After I got out of the shower I took over feeding duty for the little animals and I let Clare go shower. I kissed her on the cheek before releasing her and she blushed while smiling at me. I guess I really do still have it huh?

Breakfast time was more complicated than I imagined because nobody wanted to eat their baby food. Finally I got them to gobble down some of that banana stuff and some apple sauce. They didn't seem thrilled to eat it, but they didn't spit it in my face or paint the walls with it. After feeding I cleaned them up. I looked at the baby routine Clare had on the fridge. I guess the next step is to read to them…so I did. I started reading them Mary Shelley's Frankenstein. These babies are going to love horror and gore, so I may as well start them off with a classic. Clare came and sat down in my recliner while I read to them. Though there were no bright pictures to show them, they seemed interested. I decided to stop at the first chapter for today. I let them down to play after that…

"Frankenstein? Aren't they a bit young for that?"

"Nonsense! They loved it!"

"Uh huh… Yeah.

We watched the twins crawl around and we even had to break them up from fighting a few times. They are sort of territorial sometimes like… wolves or something. There was a little biting involved. Can I really blame them though? I've surely been in my share of brawls. I was relieved when they had nap time. It was like a little break for Clare and me to cuddle up and watch the news. Can you believe it? We are watching the news. I must be getting old or something. After about ten minutes of holding Clare and watching the reports of crime in the city, I noticed that soft snores were coming from her. I can understand why she isn't tired… we didn't get a wink of sleep last night. I took a moment in this silence and odd aloneness to think about life. This time last year Clare and I weren't even together yet. We were still broken up. Adam was trying to push us back together for my sake and I was unhappy because I didn't have Clare. Funny how time changes things. Now I'm as happy as a clam and I'm a father of two… I decided it was time for an adventure. I woke Clare up and then I waited until the babies woke up.

Clare

I put the babies in their car seats in the back of Morty. I got in front beside Eli and we went for a ride. It was a warm day so we let the windows down and the feeling of the wind blowing through my hair made me giggle while it took my breath away.

He took us to one of the lakes we made out at in our younger days. There was a tree that our initials were carved into. It was still there. The babies got a chance to see some ducks up close, though they were afraid of them and our wonderful life together had another memory added to it. A year ago I was a mess… I was alone, a little bitter and rather heartbroken but now things couldn't be better. I feel renewed… a new life.

**Well guys, this was the last chapter. I hope you all have enjoyed reading this story as much as I have enjoyed writing it. I haven't decided if there will be a sequel or not but if there is it will be named after this story… I want to thank you all for your reviews, tips and suggestions. They were appreciated. I hope your day (or night) is awesome! =)**


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